Breaking

Spring break got off to a great start. I spent the weekend at the beach with friends. It was crazy windy the two days we were there, but it's the beach, it was still great. We watched the sunset and sunrise one day. That was pretty spectacular. Very good times indeed.

I can always think of lots of topics to cover when I'm not actually sitting at the computer. I need a more convenient way to keep up with my thoughts. I'm going to post random thoughts anyway.

I could definitely see myself living in Florida after college. It would be awesome to have a place not far from the beach (because I could never afford waterfront property). I could go to the beach almost every day to watch the sunset. I could ride my bike (when I get enough money to buy one) down the coastal roads. Working down there would be great. Hmm. Maybe I'll tuck that dream away for a while and see what comes.

I was in the kitchen tonight helping/watching my mom cook supper. Before long, my sister came to join us. I love the times we have together cooking and whatnot in the kitchen. We're all relaxed and talk about many different things. Sometimes it's serious, sometimes we're cracking up. The kitchen seems to be the gathering place for good food and great conversation. We should do that more often.

I feel that free spirited mood coming to the surface. Not rebellion really, because I'm not rebelling against anyone or anything, but rather it's an independence and determination. It's hard to explain. I kinda get an attitude, a tough girl attitude. I'm not sure it's such a good thing, but it is what it is. I'm not sure what it's stemming from either. We'll see though. I am dying my hair red tomorrow...well, highlights anyway.

It bothers me when I can't understand people's motives. I don't profess to be good at reading people, but I generally have an idea where people fit into my life. I don't like it when I can figure that out.

My time management skills have been sorely lacking as of late. I need to work on that. Prioritize a little bit better. Perhaps the break will help get things back in focus.

And now it's bedtime. G'night all.

Sunny Days

This week has been great, despite the fact it rained several days and that I had lots to do. Monday was absolutely gorgeous and I spent all afternoon outside. It was amazing. I like cold weather, but I'm ready for springtime and sunshine, flip-flops and shorts. I'm really looking forward to the weekend. Spring break officially started for me at 3:50 p.m. today. I'm going to spend several days at the beach with some of my closest friends. It's going to be awesome. Then next week I get to go home and be with my family. All of us under one roof! That hasn't happened since Christmas. Sometimes growing up is good, but other times not so fun, as in this case. But next week will be great. I really need a break. I feel like I've been running non-stop for weeks on end. I want to do nothing but relax on the beach and soak in the sun. And maybe talk to people too. :)

I finally got my act together last weekend and got things settled. Instead of being worried and scared about things, I'm excited to see where this new relationship goes. It's great so far. There will be some trials during the summer due to distance, but we'll handle that when we get to it. Right now It's all good. I'm happier than I've been in a while.

Internal Disagreement

My heart says one thing, my head another. Why can they not agree? Which one should I listen to? One is right, one is wrong--but which one is it?

Doubts and Fears

Why am I constantly plagued by doubts and fears? It doesn't matter if I'm totally sure about something, or if I'm trying to decide, these thoughts are always hovering around my head.

I did a little purging this afternoon. I came across some pictures that needed to go and some email conversations as well. I feel a little better, but as always, that kind of purging is bittersweet. Again those doubts of "Did I do the right thing?" and "Am I doing the right thing now?" keep swirling around in my mind. At the least opportune moment, memories and thoughts pop into my mind.

I should have no reason to be meloncholy right now. Things are good. No, things are great. So why do these moods strike me? I just don't understand myself sometimes.

D-Now

This past weekend a group of students from State led a Disciple Now at Agricola Baptist Church. I was asked to lead a group of 9th grade girls. I was nervous about it at first because I've never lead a Bible study group. A friend of mine was helping organize, so I decided to help her out. So we all met at the BSU on Friday and caravanned to Lucedale. Because we had a trailer attached to one of the vehicles, we had to go slower so the trip too about 4 hours. Once we got there and got set up, we ate and then went to worship. I really wasn't prepared for this weekend. As a result, our first small group session didn't go very well. I felt like I was stumbling over my words, repeating myself, and the girls weren't really contributing. I was pretty disappointed. My and my co-leader decided to prepare better for the next session. It went much better, so I felt a little more effective. Saturday night and Sunday morning's sessions were probably the best. I finally felt like the girls were listening to what we said.

I think I learned more this weekend than the girls did. I was faced with how far I've gotten from my first love and from the joy of being a Christian. How I ever thought I could do things on my own, I don't know. I have zero power to make things happen in my life. When I try to run things, I get myself into huge messes. When I finally give up and come back to God, head hung low with tears streaming down my face, He accepts me back, comforts me, and starts to work things out in my life for good, just as He's promised me. I realized that I need to lay aside my fears and insecurities and trust God to work things out. He delights in giving us good things. He wants us to have good things in our lives. So if we let Him, He'll work things out for our best. I've got to hold onto that and not try to make things work the way I want them to.

Zipline

Today was a good day. A very good day. I decided to be brave and get over some pretty deep insecurities and fears I had about being in a relationship again. I can't say it was easy at first, but I really think my fears are irrational. It will be different this time. I kinda felt like I had stepped off the tower of a zipline this afternoon. There was the feeling you get when you're free-falling for that moment until the wire catches you and you begin to move forward. I think this is going to be a pretty amazing ride, and I guess I'll have to wait and see where I wind up. Wherever that may be, I want it to be all for God's glory and not my own.

Bright Picture

These past few weeks have been pretty great, an overall bright picture with few dark spots. I've had great times with friends lately. It seems that last semester, my friendships were tested, at times to their limits. But this semester seems to be a time when friendships are growing and deepening. I am so very thankful for my close friends. I have gained a new friendship from this past summer and it is awesome getting to know her and talk more with her. She's so precious. Other friends are still relatively new as well, but I feel as though I've known them for a long time. Yet others are "old" friends, but the relationship is deepening and widening. This is incredible to me as well. So, you know who you are, and I love y'all!

I have more to say, but it's sleepytime. So, until next post, I bid thee farewell and a good night/day. Adios.

The Road Paved with Good Intentions

No wonder I have a problem making decisions. Every time it's left up to me to decide something that effects other people, I'm bound to make the wrong one. I try to make everyone happy and wind up making everyone ticked off instead. It's enough to make an otherwise optimistic girl cynical at times. My intention tonight was two-fold: to spend time with one friend, while at the same time cheering another one up. I figured that it would work since all those participating were friends and hung out together. Apparently I was wrong. What resulted was the one friend getting ticked off at me and the other even less cheery than before. I'm no good at this relationship thing, whether it be friends or guys. I try and try and try to make things work, be the mediator, make peace with people, and I wind up getting stomped to death in the process.

On another slightly depressing note, it's kinda a downer when you have an idea to do something that you'd enjoy and think other people might enjoy, only to find out that nobody wants to do it with you. And I mean not even one person. This one's too busy, that one doesn't have enough cash, and still another just thinks it isn't that great of an idea to start with. There's a movie I want to see, but no one else wants to see it. Ok, so I'll go by myself. Not a big deal. I wanted to go to the rodeo, but everyone else thought that was pretty lame. (Thanks to an awesome friend, I didn't have to go all by myself though.) I wanted to go skiing so bad for spring break, but yet again it was a flop. The one person who would have gone, found other more willing participants, and is going this week. Gee, thanks. I don't mind doing things myself every once and a while, but it gets old. I do things that other people want to do all the time, even if it's not particularly my favorite. But for them to return the favor, well, it just doesn't happen. BUT, if I do wind up doing something own my own, away from the crowd, I get heckled for that too! I just don't get it...

I'm such a contradiction. I love the beach and the mountains. I wear pearls with leather jackets. I like boots and converse and heels. I enjoy a rodeo as much as a book or play. I like classical music and country music. One set of interests and abilities work well with someone, but my other interests and abilities clash. But take the opposite person and it's the same thing in reverse. It always seems to be a point of contention. Sometimes I think it's nearly impossible to find the person that compliments me. Sure, I can compliment other people well, but I always seem to be lacking something.

Advice and Experiences

Recently I've come across several people having some issues with relationships. Goodness knows this is common, and I've had my share of ups and downs just like anyone else. I think that sometimes things aren't talked about enough. It's really important for Christians to share experiences and advice with each other so that we can learn and grow from others. First, I want to say that if anybody has a problem and wants someone to talk to, I'm here. I may not can help in every situation, but I can be a sounding board. Second, I want to share what I've learned from the things I've been through. I especially want to write to encourage my girls who might be reading this. This is written mostly for girls, because I am one, so that's where my experiences have come from. If there are any guys out there reading this, you may certainly continue, and hopefully you'll get a little insight into the female mind. This might be a tad random, however, because I'm writing as things come to mind.

So, girls, when a guy first starts paying attention to you, watch out! I have been in several situations where I'm going merrily on my way when it suddenly comes to my attention that I have an admirer. This might sound really shallow, but I want to be as honest and as transparent as I can be. Some of the time, I haven't even noticed the guy until he starts paying attention to me. That's not a bad thing. What isn't so great is that I start liking him, not because of what a great guy he is, but because he's giving me the time of day. I'm attracted to the attention. I know it sounds shallow, but I'm sure some of you have experienced this too. This is a big thing especially if there are doubts and fears about the way I look or about my future. Sometimes I can be really insecure and a guy's attention makes me feel better about myself. I'm not saying that you should write off every guy who pays attention to you. Just make sure you find out his character before you go giving your heart to him. Make sure he's worth it.

That brings me to a second thought: Don't give yourself away too quickly. I have a big problem with this. I get very attached to people, very quickly. It's just the kind of personality I have. I have a big heart and see right away the good in people. This is a good way to be, but can also lead to trouble if I'm not careful. There have been several times in the past where I have revealed way too much, way too quickly. I get comfortable with a guy, and we have great conversations, but I wind up saying too much. I'm too quick to tell my insecurities, my fears, my weaknesses. It's good to be real with people, but if you aren't very careful, they can use that openness against you. Sometimes it's not intentional, yet other times it is. Make very sure that the guy you're talking to is worth you sharing your heart with. Make sure that he isn't going to use the information you share against you.

It's not just shared information that's come back to bite me in the butt, but also emotions. This is a huge thing for me. I'm going to talk to the guys for a minute. Please realize that every sweet thing you say to us, every simple touch, does a number on our hearts and emotions. You have no idea what "you looked very pretty today" or touching our hand does. It's incredibly powerful. Again, these aren't bad things, but please realize what it does, and make sure your intentions match the gesture. Nothing hurts worse that remembering all the beautiful words and gestures, only to realize that in the end it meant nothing at all, that it was only a ploy to get to us. The hurt that brings is hard to describe. It's a lot like a knife being stabbed in the chest. I don't wish that on anyone.

So girls, be really careful to guard your hearts against this. The guy you give your heart and emotions to needs to be worthy of that, because it's a precious thing to share. We are such emotional beings that we do lots of things to get the love and affection we crave. I know the struggle that goes on in our hearts and minds when we are faced with a difficult dilemma. There's a struggle to remain pure and save everything until you are at the point where you give all you have to offer to that amazing guy, and having that need for acceptance and affection. There are times when I crave physical touch, something as simple as a hug or a hand to hold. It's so hard to think when you're in the moment, right there with him. So decide where your boundaries are and what's acceptable way before you're even faced with this decision. I have been in those situations and there were times where I didn't make good choices because I didn't think about it before I was put in a tough spot. There were other times it saved me from a world of heartache.

Be sure not to put yourself in awkward spots. I always thought I would be fine, but like I said, in the moment it's totally different! I know you've heard this from your moms or Sunday school teachers, and so have I. Of course, being the stubborn thing I am, I didn't listen half the time. So much awkwardness could have been avoided. So listen!

Guys, back to you. Don't put her in those situations! Man up and decide that you're going to take the lead in being right in a relationship. Tell her up front what's acceptable and what's not. Don't make her do it all the time. Society says that guys can't control themselves and it's up to the girl to say no. Bull hockey. You are decent human beings and can control yourselves. Be a man and don't back out of having hard or awkward conversations with a girl. Most of us don't bite...too hard, anyway.

Girls, although we crave that attention, don't sacrifice everything to get it. Demand to be treated the way you should be. Don't play second fiddle to work, another girl, or a guys whims. You are so precious and deserve the best. If he does something that bothers you, tell him. Ninety-nine percent of the time, they don't realize what they've done or not done even bothers us. So kindly inform him. It's ok to be real with guys and let them know what's going on. Be straight with them. If it's killing you that he's not making a decision, talk to him about it. Don't be nagging or whiny about it. Be a woman and clearly and explicitly (but kindly) tell him what's on your mind. Guys hate guessing and trying to figure out what we want, so tell them.

Don't let your insecurities or fears be the driving force in a relationship. That's what God is for. He's there to be your strength and substance. A guy is only there to compliment what an incredible person you are. If you can't serve God better with that guy, then you need to look harder at that relationship and maybe move on to where God wants you to be.

This is just the tip of the iceberg, and I certainly don't know it all. In fact, some people reading this are probably rolling their eyes and thinking, "She doesn't even practice what she preaches!" That's true. In the past, I haven't followed a lot of the things I've mentioned. I have learned from those mistakes, however, and am trying my best to do differently in the future. My heart's desire is to follow Christ and somewhere along the way meet the guy who has that same desire, who can walk along with me to serve Him better.

I wish I could take all my friends and save them from any hurt that might come their way. I can't, anymore than those close to me wish they could do the same for me. But hopefully my experiences will shine a new light on things, and help you in some way or another. At the very least I hope it was interesting reading. Au revoir.

On an Even Keel

Life has been going pretty good lately. Nothing terrible has happened and nothing terribly exciting either. I'm on an even keel. It's pretty nice, actually. I'm really enjoying it. School isn't too much to handle right now. My friends are awesome and I'm enjoying hanging out with them and getting to know some of them better. I've given up some of the worries that had plagued me last semester and it's really freeing. I've been happier this semester than I've been in a while, and I think it's due to many things, but mostly a change in attitude. I have given up trying to manipulate things to make them work out the way I want them to. While I cannot control my life, I know the One who can.

I had hoped to write more, because I have more to say, but the late hour has effected my ability to think and write. So I'm off to sleep!

Uphill

I was embarrassed by one of my professors today. It was not too much fun. It really upset me, and I really hope he doesn't do it again. Being embarrassed like that kinda made my day go from not-the-greatest to worse. But after going to my last class of the day, a class where my professor is awesome and doesn't make people feel like idiots, I was in a somewhat better mood.

My photography class is going really well. It's my favorite class. I've always loved taking pictures and now I'm learning the skills to take much better ones. I think I have finally found my niche, my "thing." I have to say that makes me really happy, because for so long I've felt like there really wasn't that thing about me that made me stand out. My brother is amazingly talented with music and fencing. My sister has an awesome ability to accomplish so much, and she's athletic and talented with animals. I didn't really have that one thing that I did well. I think maybe photography can be that thing.

So, my mood improved much more after attending my first photography club meeting. I didn't know anyone there, besides my professor, so it was a tad awkward at first, but when we went out shooting, it was pretty great. I got some tips on how to shoot outside at night. The results of my little excursion are posted on Facebook if you're interested.

After shooting until my fingers were numb from the cold, I got a message to join my friends at Subway. Then we all went to "The Abacus," as it's called, to watch the end of the MSU vs. Arkansas basketball game. We didn't win, but hanging out with my friends is always awesome. They're pretty cool people. I almost never want to go home, but sadly, some people have classes on Friday (but not me! ;)

Me!

This is me.  I'm not apologizing anymore for the way I am.  It's my personality, my characteristics, my likes and dislikes, and my quirks.  I like me.  If you don't, that's ok too. Take it or leave it.  I'm fine with you disagreeing, but don't expect me to change just because I don't agree with you.  So many times I try to change myself just to suit other people, but it never works.  The people who love exactly how I am are the people who belong in my life. 

I'm short.  I like being short.  It's never an issue for me, though it seems to bother other people sometimes.  I can wear fabulously high heels.  I love shoes.  All kinds, but especially heels.  Three inches plus, please.  I'm blond with red highlights.  Forget all the stereotypes about blonds.  I don't fit those.  Ok, so I have blond moments, but everyone does, no matter what color your hair is.  I love the red in my hair.  It gives it depth and spunk and personality.  I have hazel eyes that sometimes change depending on what I'm wearing.  I love when they're blueish green and bright green.  My favorite things about my appearance are my eyes, my hair (some days), and my legs.  Random, I know.  I also like randomness and the variety it adds to my life.

I'm part southern belle, part rock and roll, and lots country.  I grew up in a place that was 15 minutes from a loaf of bread, as my dad would say.  A fur piece from town.  I loved it and someday I hope to go back to living that way.  For now, I get as close as I can to that.  Being outside and hearing only sounds that belong to nature is pretty much the most amazing thing ever.  You can't beat it.  I love walking out my door at night and being able to see a multitude of stars shining so bright.  Every sunset I see never fails to amazes me.  I love to appreciate what God has made. 

I'm pretty much a walking contradiction.  I like to dress up, but I like to get dirty too.  I'm quiet and shy, but also crazy and loud.  I'm really sweet, but also really sarcastic.  I like plays, orchestras, and museums, but also guns, fireworks, and 4-wheelers.  I can be the happiest person in the room, or the moodiest.  I have an immense capacity for compassion, but can also shut down and pull away from people.

I love to read Christian fiction and classics.  Fiction is my favorite though.  I like books that grab your attention and force you to stay up until 3am if you have to in order to find out what happens at the end.  I like books where the characters face problems similar to mine, and come out better for it in the end. I've loved to read since I was little.  My mother taught me to read and instilled in me a love for books that stems from her own.  I hope to teach my children to read and give them that same devotion to reading.

I have singular focus when it comes to something I'm invested in.  I go at it with everything I've got.  This applies to relationships, hobbies, or goals.  Some people would say this is good, some bad, and some indifferent.  I'm indifferent I guess.  It's good sometimes, not so good others, but it's how I am.  I have incredible passion and can't give anything less.  This intensity and commitment will pay off someday.  Of that I'm sure.

I have several quirks or pet-peeves.  I can't stand for the egg carton in the refrigerator to be unbalanced.  I don't take from just one side, I take equally from both sides.  Or equally from the center.  Also, I can't stand for the toilet paper to unroll from the bottom.  I like when people bounce their leg.  It's soothing, I think because my dad does that a lot.  I do it too.  Motion puts me to sleep.  I cannot, absolutely cannot stand when people mispronounce the word "figure."  They say "figger."  No.  It's "figUre."  Also "nuclear" as "nucular."  Wrong.  Learn how to speak, please.

People think I'm a quiet, shy good little girl when they first meet me.  While I guess that's true sometimes, it's not a complete picture of me.  I can be a little firecracker when I choose to be.

There are lots of things I want to accomplish in my life.  I want to get my private pilot's license.  I want to learn to ride a dirt bike, then a motorcycle, and eventually own one.  Not a Harley or anything, but a sport bike.  Like the Honda CBR6000.  I want to visit all 50 states and as many countries in the world that I can.  Especially Italy.  I've always wanted to go there for some reason.  Which leads to another thing I want to do: Drive a Lambourghini Spyder.  Ah-mazing.  (I like to go fast.)  I want to learn to crochet.  I want to read over 150 books in one year (my record is 100, I believe).  I want to learn how to shoot better.  Go hunting a little more.  I want to be an amazing wife and mother. I want to have a job where I make a difference to people.  I don't want to just blend in the background.

 

Driving, Thinking, and Freezing

I finally made it back to Starkville. I drove home Friday, amid below-freezing temperatures. I didn't encounter any problems because of it, just cold air and a few flurries once I hit Jackson. I love cold weather, but even this is a little cold for me. When you feel like your face is going to freeze off before you make it to the car, it's a little much. Of course, if it were snowing, and if I was somewhere I could ski, you wouldn't hear any complaining out of me.  I was trying to get together a ski trip for spring break, but it seems to be falling though. I'll probably give up and find something else to do. If it weren't dumb to go alone, I would.

The drive back wasn't too bad. I had the four poochies with me, two in the front and two in the back. But it was pretty much uneventful. Well, except for getting pulled over cause I crossed the white line. He just pulled me over to check (probably to see if I was drunk lol) and then said "Have a safe trip!" and I went on my merry way. He was very nice, which was good. I wasn't in the greatest mood though. I allowed myself to take the 11 hours and think about some stuff. I think I got it mostly out of my system, for now at least. I get my hopes up about things, and when I'm disappointed, I go through this process to work it out. First, I'm sad, then I get upset, then angry, and finally indifferent. Usually at the end, I've worked through it and can move on. Hopefully it will turn out that way this time, because I went through all those phases on the drive back. I'm pretty sure I'll get a text message in the next few days and will have to deal with it more. I'm not really looking forward to that...

I've had my share of heartbreaks. Not as many, nor as bad as some people, but it's been painful nonetheless. It seems to be a recurring theme that I get attached to someone, and they don't get so attached to me. But they pay me attention and say nice things to me, so I get jerked back and forth thinking they really do care about me. And maybe they do to some level, but it never seems to be to the level that I do. It's really disappointing. I invest so much time and energy, so much of myself into these dead-end relationships. Because of all this, now I'm scared to death to invest myself into other potential relationships. I don't want to be hurt like that again. I know that guys aren't out to get me and don't mean to hurt me, it's just an unwanted casualty of things like this. But I honestly don't think I can handle another disappointment like that right now. As a Christian, I know that I should fall back on Christ to help me when I get disappointed, but right now I'm so far from where I need to be.

It occurred to me in church this morning that Christ will never disappoint me. He will always be there. He'll never ignore a message from me, especially in my greatest time of need. He won't ever be to busy for me or forget about me. He tells me that I'm beautiful and that I'm His. He won't ever care more for someone else than He does for me. He'll always be there-to talk to, to laugh with, to cry with-every minute of every day. I'm not saying that Christ can take the place of a boyfriend. "Your boyfriend isn't God, and God isn't your boyfriend." But what I am saying is that the relationship that I'm craving is found in Christ. The relationship that I need right now is found in Christ. Yes, I will still have the need for a man, and I pray that one day God will fill that need with a godly husband. But until then, and even then, Christ will be who I rely on and who carries me through the day. When I finally focus on that relationship, I can grow in relationships with other people, even a dating relationship eventually. 

Blemishes or Beauty Marks?

Last night I couldn't sleep. I was messing around on the internet and was on a picture editing site and uploaded a random picture of myself. I started looking at the different things you could do to change or edit the picture, and came across the "Blemish Remover." I thought "Heck yes!" and started zapping away. The more I looked, the more I saw that needed erasing. When I was done, I looked at the picture. Hmm. It didn't really look like me. Not because it had changed the picture that drastically, but because those features that make me, me, weren't there anymore. They may be small things, but they are a part of me, and identify me nonetheless. I realized that I do this quite often. Not with pictures, but with other parts of me. I try to erase all the "blemishes" of character or mannerisms that I think aren't good, or that people won't like. Depending on who I'm around, I try to change myself to fit what I think they like. So the "me" that is presented to other people isn't the real me. It's some sort of edited and blemish-free version. It's the so-called blemishes that make us who we are. They are as much a part of us as our hair color or voice, and shouldn't be hidden. I'm not saying that we shouldn't try to improve ourselves. There's always room for improvement. But what we shouldn't do is hide or change who we really are just to fit what we think someone else will like. We should be ourselves, and if someone doesn't like it, they aren't someone worth our time and effort.

Seven Keys to Having a Good Year

These are the notes from Bro. Ellis Mckinzie's sermon this morning.  It's exactly what I needed to hear.

Seven Keys to Having a Good Year

1) Live one day at a time.

James 4:13-15: "Come now, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, and spend a year there and engage in business and make a profit.'  Yet you do not know what your life will be like tomorrow  You are just a vapor that appears for a little while and then vanishes away.  Instead, you ought to say, 'If the Lord wills, we will live and also do this or that.'"

Stan Getz was a famous saxophone player who had cancer.  When asked what he learned from his illness he replied, "I learned that life is not a dress rehearsal."

Look at the simple things in life.  Enjoy the little things that happen everyday.

2) Live with a view to the end.

Philippians 3:13-14: "Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."

1 Corinthians 9:24: "Do you not know that those who run in a race all run, but only one receives the prize?  Run in such a way that you may win."

2 Timothy 4:8: "In the future there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day; and not only to me, but also to all who have loved His appearing."

3) Give yourself to others.

John 13:15-17 (After Jesus washes the disciple's feet): "For I have you an example that you also should do as I did to you.  Truly, truly, I say to you, a slave is not greater than his master, nor is one who is sent greater than the one who sent him.  If you know these things, you are blessed if you do them."

Luke 6:38: "Give, and it will be given to you. They will pour into your lap a good measure--pressed down, shaken together, and running over.  For by your standard of measure it will be measured to you in return."

Giving to others leads to happiness.

4) Learn to forgive and forget

Matthew 6:15: "But if you do not forgive others, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions."

Colossians 3:13 "...bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you."

5) Face adversity with courage

Romans 5:3-5: "And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

6) Keep a good sense of humor.

Proverbs 15:13: "A joyful heart makes a cheerful face, But when the heart is sad, the spirit is broken.

Proverbs 15:30: "Bright eyes gladden the heart; Good news puts fat on the bones."

Proverbs 17:22: "A joyful heart is good medicine, But a broken spirit dries up the bones."

7) Put your life in God's hands.

Proverbs 3:5: "Trust in the Lord with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding."

Psalm 56:3-4: "When I am afraid, I will put my trust in You.  In God, whose word I praise, In God I have put my trust; I shall not be afraid."

Romans 15:13: "Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that you will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

"You can spend your life any way you like, but you can only spend it once."

One Week

Only one week left of Christmas break!! Seven short days. It's gone by so fast. It has been good though. And was a much needed break away from Starkville and school and stress.

Christmas was really good this year. It was a quite one, just me and my family. It was nice to take some time and just hang out together. Usually we're working when all of us are home, which is good too, but it was nice just to chill.

I'm looking forward to New Year's. Thursday night I'll be hanging out with my Sunday school class. They're always a fun bunch. Hopefully everyone will be able to be there. Then Friday, my two aunts will be here (they're coming tomorrow!) and family from Houston. It will be good to see my cousin (who's my age) cause I haven't seen her in ages! Trying to keep up with people is difficult sometimes, even if they are family.

I haven't posted many pictures with my posts lately, but hopefully that will change soon. I got a really neat camera for Christmas, and will be using it often, especially with the photography class I'm taking this semester.

I know everyone makes New's Years resolutions, but I've never really been big into doing that. So, instead I've got a few goals in mind for the next semester. That's about as far into the future as I can think about right now. For one thing, I'm going to stay busier than I was last semester. I had too much downtime. Not a good thing for me. So, I'm going to volunteer with the local Red Cross. I'm looking into a summer internship with them, and that would give me some good experience. I'm also going to go to the gym more. I've decided to swim laps. I'm a good swimmer, and it's something I enjoy doing. I should be able to get that in a few times a week with the schedule I have. That's pretty much all I've come up with so far. My classes should keep me pretty busy, especially photography, as well as hanging out with friends. I'm also scheming up a few weekend trips, and definitely something for spring break. I want to go skiing! If I can find only one other person to go with me, I'm headed to Santa Fe for the break. We'll see.

Well, there's a quick update. I'm going to spend the next seven days with family, and some time with friends too, hopefully. I want to be rested and recovered enough to face the new semester with a good attitude.

Wrong Place, Wrong Time

I've never had the best of timin'.
I open my mouth when I should be silent,
And just the time I should speak
Is when I say nothing at all.

When you're around, I'm clumsy.
I trip over my feet and my words, see
I can't say what I'm really thinking
'Cause you scramble all my thoughts.

If it weren't the wrong place, wrong time
Maybe this would be just what I've waited for.
But 'cause it's the wrong place, wrong time
I'm left standing here, wanting more.

What we have is amazing.
You don't know it, but you're making
My heart want to beat
Right out of my chest.

Whether it's the distance of miles
Or the distance of our hearts
I'll never know, because you are to me
Like a closed window.

If it weren't the wrong place, wrong time
Maybe this would be just what I've waited for.
But 'cause it's the wrong place, wrong time
I'm left standing here, wanting more.

I can see glimpses inside
But I can't reach through the glass
That covers your heart
And hides all that I miss.

One day you'll break that glass and let someone through
And in doing that you'll prove
That you're exactly who she needs,
And she'll be everything to you.

If it weren't the wrong place, wrong time
Maybe this would be just what I've waited for.
But 'cause it's the wrong place, wrong time
I'm left standing here, wanting more.

I can only hope that someday
It will happen that way
For me, even if it's with someone
Who isn't you.

I don't understand why things are
The way they are and I'm so far
From where I want to be, but if I weren't,
It seems things would work out perfectly.

If it weren't the wrong place, wrong time
Maybe this would be just what I've waited for.
But 'cause it's the wrong place, wrong time
I'm left standing here, wanting more.

Sunshine!

Finally, today the sun started shining. I don't think I've seen the Texas sun since I arrived a week ago.  It was nice to have cold weather, but it's my opinion that if it's cold and wet, it should be snowing!  Though with all my complaining about the rain, it was amazing to fall asleep to the drizzle the other night.  It wasn't raining hard, just enough so that I could hear the dripping off the roof outside my window.

So what's going on right now-hmm. Well, we're still trying to get the house back in order after our whirlwind rennovation this summer.  There were some kinks in the plan, and we're still putting down the tile floors.  At the rate we're going, we WILL have a livingroom for Christmas! That is very good news, as we have been without one for about four months now.

While it's tiring to have to get up and get to work every morning, it is kinda nice to do some physical labor.  I'm rather pitiful and don't do much during the semester. (Hoping to change that this coming semester though.)  It's a nice change from sitting in hour long lectures every day. Sore muscles are a nuisance sometimes, but other times it feels kinda nice.  A reminder I've accomplished something.

I'm leaving this weekend to spend three days in Mississippi.  I'm happy to be going, because a good friend of mine is getting married.  They are the cutest couple and I wish them every happiness.  But it cuts some time from my break here. And, being very much human as I am, I am getting a tad jealous.  Sigh.  One day.

I was reminded this week that I'm not a very patient person.  While having to wait on an answer, the later in the day it got, the more disappointed and irritable I became.  Hopefully my impatience will get better as time goes on.  I've been waiting for some things a very long time, and some things I will have to wait a bit longer for. Sigh again.

I have an itch to go skiing.  Really bad!!! Every time someone mentions snow or skiing, I want to pack up right now and head north/west.  I would love to get a trip together for this spring break, but I'm afraid I can't find anyone actually willing to go.  I've had a few "that sounds like a good idea"s, but no takers yet. So, guess I keep looking at options and begging people to go with me.

I had lunch with a friend yesterday.  It was nice to chat for a while about different things going on in our lives.  I do worry that I talk about me too much.  But then again, I worry about everything-talking too much, too little, too shallow subjects, too deep subjects.  There's that moderation thing that keeps popping up wherever I look.

Ah well, my break is over and I should get back to work.

Lost Thoughts

Do you ever sit around thinking or in the course of the day a thought pops into your head, a rather good one, but no one is around to share it with?  Do you feel as though this thought is wasted? Just something I thought about. Kind of random, I know.

I thought when I first started writing that I had quite a bit to say. But it has either escaped me or isn't untangled enough from my head for it to be written down properly. So, that is all for now.

TTFN

Some Other Beginning's End

"Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end"
Closing Time -Semisonic

Well, I must say that I'm happy that this new begining is the result of another beginning ending. Confusing? Well, my life as of late has been pretty confusing, so it fits. But, the semester is officially over!!!!!! All I'm waiting on is grades, and the two that I was worried about weren't so bad. So it's a great beginning so far! I finished up exams on Friday and spent a great weekend just hanging out with friends before they left for the semester. Yesterday and today I slept in, even later that I usually would.  I figured I would take advantage of that since I won't get to when I get home.  Too much to do!  I cleaned the house, made Christmas cookies, and did a little online Christmas shopping last night.  It was rather pleasant.  It was pretty good cause I got to be in the same house with my sister for once.  We've both been pretty busy this semester and our schedules didn't usually match up.  Today I think I'll make more cookies.  Probably a good thing because I have about four pounds of dough in my refridgerator right now...

I didn't go home right away after my exams because one of my good friends is getting married this month, and her bachelorette party is tomorrow night.  It should be interesting.  And fun!  It's been pretty nice actually, not having too much to do, and spending some time just for leisure.  I'm ready to go home though.  I'm determined that my time at home with my family is going to be as great, if not greater, than the first few days of the break.  I want no arguing or fussing!  And that means on my part.  I'm soooo tired of conflict, so none of that please.

I also want to see my friends from Texas.  I have an awesome Sunday school class back home, and spending time with them is always fun.  We're going to Houston Friday night to buy soccer balls to give to a couple going on a mission trip over the break.  And, of course, we're going to eat mexican food.  It's pretty much a class tradition.

This semester has been...hard, to say the least.  Very hard.  I want to erase all the hard things I had to face, and never look at them again.  I can't do that, but I can leave the past in the past and move on.  Which is exactly what I'm going to do. I'm going to use the break to get rid of some of the worries and bad moods I've been carrying around.  There are still several things that are uncertain, and a few things I need to get settled with people, but hopefully that will turn out ok.  I'm not going to spaz out about it.  Well, I'll try not to anyway.

I've been slow to get into the Christmas mood this year, but finally I'm there.  I'm listening to Christmas music, making Christmas cookies, and we finally decorated our house.  It's pretty. :)  I was sooo ready for Christmas break to get here, and I'm so glad it's finally here.  I'll probably be wishing for time to slow down for a while.  So far, it kinda feels like it has, and I'm ok with this.

So, I just wanted to say thanks for hanging on with me through this past semester.  At times I've not been very fun to talk to, be around, or even read about, but thanks for staying with me.  The people in my life really make everything worthwhile.  I love you guys!

Oh, and Merry Christmas!  :)