Perseverance!

My perseverance in job hunting finally paid off!  I accepted a job offer last week.  I was so happy and excited to finally have a job and a way to support myself.  The things that are going to happen next in my life are pretty exciting.

For this job I have to go to training.  It will be about a month long.  I will be training in Pittsburgh, Charlotte, Nashville, and Portland.  I'm looking forward to the travel and meeting new people.  The only drawback is possibly being gone three or four weeks straight.  I'm gonna miss him a lot!  But we'll make it through alright.

I'm going Monday to look for an apartment.  I've been looking around on the internet for several days.  I found one place that looked amazing.  Too good to be true.  It was a huge one bedroom apartment for $200 less than I thought I would have to pay.  Well, after I read some reviews on it, I think it really is too good to be true.  About 4 reviews mentioned cars being broken into, and another mentioned a shooting!  Not exactly what I'm looking for.  I'll see all the law enforcement I need to see when my guy and I hang out (he's a deputy, if you're wondering).  I don't need them all around my apartment complex!  Luckily, I've located another complex with some really great floorplans.  I'll even get a room for an office here.  Rent is a little more that I'd like to pay, but I'll deal with it to live in a safe and nice place.

I've been trying to figure out my financial situation.  All the numbers and calculations, budgets, bank accounts, credit cards and insurance is making my head spin!  I've about got it all figured out now though.  At least for the moment.  I found a nifty Excel template to use for my budget.  You can find it here.

I guess that's about all for now.  Adios.

Hopes Rising

I'm trying not to get my hopes up about this job like I do every time, but as usual, it's not working very well.  I keep picturing myself doing this job.  I just hope it's coming across in the phone interviews.  I've had two so far, with one left on Monday.  I even dreamed about the job last night!  I should know the outcome by next Thursday or Friday.  Hoping for the best!

Well...

I made the cut to finalist, and I have three phone interviews scheduled this week and next.  So I'm hoping this pans out. We'll see.

Observation #1:
My friends are blogging more this summer.  I like that.  I love reading what's going on in their life via the great blogosphere.

Observations #2:
I love summer.  These are reasons why: sunglasses, frozen drinks, flip-flops, friends, sand, sun, sunscreen, water, mild nights, free time, country music, citrus, tans, windows down, reading, hobbies, and so much more.

Observations #3:
People in public who laugh at something they're reading or listening to are amusing.  I've done it before though, so I can't judge.

Observation #4:
This weekend My Love is going to get a boxer puppy.  I am as excited as he is.  I love puppies!

Observation #5:
I love coffee shops.  Especially this one in Brandon.  It's comfortable, relaxing, and fun to go to.

I think that's all the observations I have for now. Stay tuned.

Crossing My Fingers

I have found a fleeting internet connection and hope it lasts 'til I can finish the post!

Tonight I'm going to an information session about a job.  I have to speak while I'm there too.  I get so nervous when I speak in public!  But that's pretty much what the job requires, so I've got to beat the nerves and do good so they will hire me!  I need a job so bad!  It would help so many things that are going on right now.  Finances, family, my relationship, my sanity. No kidding.

I'm ready for my life to start, so to speak.  I'm ready for my days to be filled with meaningful work, seeing my guy, working out, and doing things I enjoy, instead of watching my guilty pleasure in the morning, eating, and searching for this phantom internet connection.  It's the highlight of my day when I have an errand to run.  I'm 22 years old.  I want to be doing things that a single (as in not married) girl should do.  Heck, if I make enough money, I may travel some.  

I always sit down to blog and think I have so much to say.  And maybe I do, but somehow it doesn't all translate from my brain to my fingers.  There's so much going on in my head and in my life.  Part of it gets cut for privacy sake.  I can't put everything online for all to see.  Some of it gets left out because I'm forgetful.  So I guess that only leaves a little bit left to write about.

I have a chance to go to Washington, D.C. this weekend.  It would be an awesome trip, but I'm afraid I'll miss out on a job opportunity.  I really can't decide anything until after tonight.

So, we all know that I don't like change.  But what if it's change that I had previously wanted?  Why do I have a problem with that?  I think half my problem is that I have an expectation of how the people I'm close to act.  When they act opposite of my notion, I freak out.  Even if it's something I wanted.  That makes no sense whatsoever.  I wonder sometimes what kind of nutcase am I?

Apparently the kind of nutcase who is contemplating joining a roller derby team.  I'm not sure if this is one of those I-read-it-in-a-book-or-saw-it-on-a-movie/tv-and-now-I-want-to-do-it urges, or if it's something I could actually do.  I guess if I ever get the courage up to go watch a practice, I'll find out.

So I guess I did have a bit to write about today.  Go figure.  Hopefully my next post will be titled "YOU'RE HIRED!"

The Waiting Game and A Little Mush

CAUTION: If mushy stuff appalls you, you might want to avoid this post.

But first, I'll talk about the waiting game.  I'm learning yet another lesson in patience.  I have been applying for jobs for almost four months now. I keep getting discouraged in thinking I'll never get hired.  It's tough waiting for employers to respond to applications, and most of the time they never do.  I also get stressed thinking about the financial aspect of things.  I need a new computer soon.  If it goes out, it'll be hard to keep looking for and applying for jobs.  Other things like that.  I need a job soon.  I need to get into a routine.  I think I'll be less neurotic that way.

Even through the worry, I still have time for the mushy stuff.  Just yesterday I was reminded how much I love him.  We were riding in the truck, on the way to get a Blizzard from DQ.  The windows were down, music up, and he was singing along.  I looked over at him, and he smiled at me. It still gives me butterflies.  And I still love holding his hand as much as I did the first time, seven months ago.  I don't ever want to lose that feeling.  We were talking just the other day about when we first started dating.  We didn't waste time getting to know each other.  From the first date, we spent pretty much every day together.  We have had some great times, and I cannot wait to see what's in store for us.  He is so good to me.  He takes care of me and loves me more than life.

The heat outside tells me summer is here, but this summer is different than I've ever experienced.  It hadn't really felt like summer until yesterday.  When we were in the car, riding with the windows down and summer country music playing, it started to feel like it.  I'm hoping to go to the reservoir this week sometime for a picnic.  Being by the water is very summery.

Well, I guess that's it for now.  Back to job hunting...    

Ready, Set...

So I'm not to the "Go" part yet.  I wish I was!  I really like Brandon.  I'm ready to move here, start working, and living.  I have an apartment complex in mind where I want to live, but it depends on whether or not they have one open.  There are a couple others that would be good too.  There's a Curves down the street that I'm thinking about joining.  I think it would be a better atmosphere for me to work out in.  A regular gym is too intimidating. I'm going tomorrow to the First Baptist Church to see what it's like.  I am really hoping something will happen this week as far as a job is concerned. I'm crossing my fingers.  I feel like my life is on hold and I'm just biding my time until it gets going again.  I know the days ahead will be great.  Working, being active, and spending time with my love.  It will be great. :)

“It’ll all work out.”

Please, please do not say that to me right now. I mean, if you really think about it, of course it will work out. There will be an outcome no matter what it is.  But how much heartache will it take until it's "worked out?"  How many tears until it's "worked out?"  How many hurt feelings and broken promises?  Well?

 

Why do I even try?  It's almost pointless.  I get disappointed again and again and again.  So why do I keep going?  Why do I apply for jobs?  Why do I make promises?  Why do people count on me when I can never, ever do anything right? 

 

I am having to fight so hard to keep those feelings away.  I cannot, absolutely cannot have a repeat of the same feelings I had last year.  I have no reason at all for them, but I didn't have a reason for them last year either.  I feel like I could crawl in bed and not come out for a month.  I really could this time though.  I don't have any obligations as far as school and job are concerned.  It's really tempting.

 

I hate the ache that's inside my heart.  I miss him so much it's a physical pain in my chest.  I count the days until we can be together again, but when I don't know when that will be, it's even worse. 

 

I hate not having a say in what's happening in my life right now.  I keep making plans and having dreams and they are immediately squashed.  It goes back to why do I even try?

 

I hate this. 

Running on Empty

I don't even know where to start.  The emotions I have swirling through my head are enough to make even the most emotionally stable person collapse in a heap.  I am trying so hard to make things work.  I am balancing relationships on either side and myself caught in the middle.  I have to think for myself, but also consider what each side is saying. If I try to do what I want to do, I'm accused of acting as someone else wants me to.  I do have a mind of my own.  At any given time, someone is going to be upset with me.  I've almost come to terms with this.  That's a big almost.

I hate this limbo I'm in.  I am 22 years old.  A recent graduate.  I have a gnawing desire to be out on my own, doing my thing.  I can't make that happen right now and it's about to kill me.  I am not a patient person.  I have waited and waited for the answer I need, and still haven't heard.  I don't know what plan B is.  I want plan A to work.  Why can't my phone ring, and on the other end hear, "you're hired!"?  I need to get hired, get an apartment, get a car, and start living my life as a 22 year old woman.  That's what I need.

Sleepless Night

Nights when I can't fall asleep are always tedious. Sometimes they're difficult, but tonight it's not bad things on my mind. Not bad things, just deep, thought-provoking things. I've done the typical things I usually do to occupy myself until I'm sleepy, but tonight that just added fuel to the fire.

I have a job interview for a job I really, really want in less than 2 weeks. I'm very excited, but nervous and anxious as well. I haven't had many other promising inquiries, and if I don't get this job it's going to be very disappointing. It seems just right for me: what I want to do and am capable of doing in the location I want to be in. I'm going to research as much as possible about the company and the position, and try to be my best at the interview.

I've also been thinking a lot about my future. There are very, very exciting things that I am looking forward to. There are also things that will be very difficult. There are certain aspects that I have no control over, and no idea how we'll accomplish that. But as long as I have the one I love by my side, we can make it though. I am about to head straight into the most difficult and rewarding life I could imagine.

Time for Something New...Another Something New

Amidst the newness approaching with April 30th, I am facing another new situation: a new car.  Alas, on the way to an interview last week, I was in a wreck. I wasn't hurt, but my poor, poor Saturn took the full brunt of the blow. She is totaled. :,(  So in the wake of losing my faithful 4 year college companion, I must find another vehicle.  I don't have much moo-lah to work with, so I'm going used.  Better value for the money anyway.  I have a hot lead on a Ford Explorer in Austin. It's maroon. :)  And has power petals and leather seats.  Fancy!  I'm hopefully going to look at it tomorrow.  Keep your fingers crossed!

My Dress Pants Don't Fit...

The title of this post brings me to two topics: 1) my clothes not fitting and 2) dress clothes. 

As for topic 1:

My clothes don't fit anymore. I've gained some weight since last semester. It seems to always happen in the spring, which is the worst possible time for it to happen because spring precedes summer. Bummer.  So I've decided that I can do a diet for 2 weeks.  The Special K diet to be exact.  Today was Day 1, and it wasn't so bad.  I had a protein shake for breakfast, a bowl of cereal for lunch, a granola bar for snack, and a normal dinner.  I splurged a little by buying a coke and a small bag of chips (not just any chips- Blazin' Buffalo Ranch Doritos, aka crack chips. I'm addicted) this afternoon before my group meeting.  Tomorrow I will do better.  So here's to hoping I lose those 6 promised pounds in two weeks. 

Topic 2:

It's crunch time. And no, not because of the granola bar I'm eating.  It's because I graduate in exactly one month. Four weeks. Thirty days.  Yep.  I'm in overdrive applying for jobs.  I think I submitted 6 applications last night alone, and another 2 today.  I have two interviews lined up, starting tomorrow at 10:30 a.m. I'm hoping there's more to come.  The ideal situation would be to have to chose between job offers.  Yeah, I can definitely handle that. We'll see what comes though.

Time to Grow Up

I really started thinking today about graduation and the end of my college career.  I have been in a clean out mood the past couple days so I was cleaning out and organizing my room.  As I tried on clothes and decided what to keep and what to donate, and I came across a brown and pink polka dot dress.  It's a very cute dress, one that I've worn several times before.  I got it at the end of high school and wore into college.  I tried it on today (miraculously, this dress escaped the closet shrinkage that my other clothes have been infected with...), and looked at myself in the mirror.  It's still a cute style, but it just didn't fit the image of me, a 22 year old, soon to be independent career woman.

I can feel a change coming on, a different stage of life starting where one is ending. On one hand, it's sad that I'm no longer going to be a college student.  I'm going to miss lots of things about college.  There will be other things I won't miss so much.  But I'm definitely excited about what's to come. I'm excited about getting a full-time job and all the challenges and new opportunities that brings.  I'm excited about moving into my own apartment again (like I did freshman year of college), but being on my own and independent.  Though that brings tons and tons of responsibility with it, I think I'm ready.  I hope so anyway.  If I'm not, I have people that will always be there to help me.  I'm excited about spending the summer with My Other Half and getting to know each other more.  The past five months have been phenomenal.  I couldn't have asked for more, and I have been happier than I've ever been.  But that is a different story.  One I could write pages and pages on.

I'm trying very hard to make good decisions for myself, and to form a foundation that will serve me well throughout my life.  It's really difficult sometimes.  I have to juggle different roles: student, daughter, sister, girlfriend, friend. It's not easy.  But it is fulfilling to have those great relationships in my life.  A lot of people don't have that. I'm very blessed in so many ways.
 

Surrounded by Books

I'm killing time before my group meeting.  I had to come to town early, but didn't want to go back to my house and then turn right around and go to campus.  So I'm sitting in the forth floor of the library in a very cozy spot. There's a chair sitting by a window, and there are rows and rows of books to my left.  I like being surrounded by books. Makes me feel instantly smarter.  Also makes me miss reading for pleasure.  I keep saying I'll get a chance to in the summer, but who knows.  I'd like to though.  I have about 4 books on my shelf at home that I have never read.

The wait is killing me.  I have applied for several jobs and have heard nothing from them.  I don't think I got the job I interviewed for last week.  It's a bummer.  I'm going to try to start babysitting again for some extra cash. I hate having to worry about money.

Right Now

Things on my mind right now:

1) Photography.  I want to take more pictures.  I see pictures that other people have taken and I'm jealous. And in awe.  And it makes me happy.  I haven't even picked up my camera in weeks.  Sad.

2) Homeschooling.  Begin in college now, and about to graduate, I haven't thought much about it recently. I almost miss it. Weird.  Never thought I'd say that.  But I was reading The Pioneer Woman blog tonight (which is an awesome blog, btw. thepioneerwoman.com) and there was a post from her daughter about homeschooling.  There aren't many things I've passionate about, but this is one of them.  I lived through all my school years homeschooling and loved it.  I never wished to be in public school.  And when people throw the "problems" with homeschooling in my face, I get really defensive and want to tear into someone.  Especially the "homeschoolers are socially disadvantaged" argument.  It doesn't hold water.  Do you know how many public or private school kids I've met that are socially awkward?  It doesn't matter where you went to school, it matters how you were raised. So it's a terrible argument.  I want to homeschool my kids. I realize that everyone will oppose that, possibly even my spouse at first, but it's something I feel strongly about.  My mom and dad will be the biggest supporters though.  My mom knows first-hand all the trials and rewards involved.  She's the reason I want to homeschool my kids.

3) Pizza: With a side of ranch, is in the fridge that is calling my name.

Mobile Blogging

Because I'm a girl on the go, I thought I would try out mobile blogging. Hopefully I'll be able to post more often this way. It's not too often that I sit down at the computer with nothing else to do but blog. In the last couple weeks, it's not often I'm sitting in one place too long at a time. 

It occurred to me this morning walking to class that I should think about 1) things I should do before marriage and 2) things I should do before kids. Not that either one of those things is imminent, but I don't want to wind up looking back and having regrets or trying to be 22 again when I'm a wife and mother. I've known people who have done that and it's not cool. Not for the marriage and not for the kids. So this is just me looking three steps ahead (as usual). 

Senioritis is kicking in. Actually, it's kicking like a mule. My attention is all but gone during lecture and my drive to get things done isn't very strong at this point. My major class takes most of my attention, but other classes are way under that in my priorities. It doesn't help that I've been feeling like crap lately. So much so that I'm going to the doctor about it. I hate going to the doctor... 

Cross your fingers for my job interview tomorrow at 11. It's a student worker position for this semester. Still waiting to hear about the post-grad jobs I've applied for.

New Reads

Because of my hectic life at the moment, I don't have time to read books like I'd like to. But I manage time for blogs. And not during class...ahem. Anywho, I'm looking for new and exciting/interesting blogs to follow. Suggestions? Muchas gracias.

Blahs and Boo-hoos

The past two weeks have been stressful. I haven't been in a great mood.  One of those moods where all the little things start meshing together and making one Big Thing that threatens to eat me whole. Not so fond of that feeling.  At least it's not the breathing under water feeling.  But the past two weeks have been especially trying. I'm to that "I can't do anything right" point. I'm disappointing people right and left. My feelings get hurt way too easily. I cry at the drop of a hat. I've had a perpetual headache for about a week now.  Exhausted from the time I step out of bed.  School is getting the better of me.  Yikes.  It's a mess.

Today was rough. I wished I could wake up and try it all over again from the beginning.  I'm not sure why these two weeks have been so rough.  Nothing earth-shattering have happened.  Just small things popping up.  A large part of it is my mood and not feeling well.  I'm being strongly encouraged to go to the doctor about it, but I'm not so keen on that idea.  I know I need to though. Ugh.

I'm tired but I'm in no mood to sleep.  I need to work some things out of my system.  I'm aware that 1:36 a.m. is a bad time to do that, but it is what it is.  I have the urge to go back and read my old journals right now.  I was watching a show earlier that was talking about a journal this guy had back when he was a teenager and how his mom found it and read it.  I have several old journals about random stuff.  Most of them were when I was a teenager too. We'll see what I find.

I'll get to sleep eventually.

Austen

I've been in a Jane Austen mood lately.  I love her books and wish I had time to read them more.  I have a good many of the movies that they made from the books.  They're all very good.  I especially like the BBC mini series of Pride and Prejudice and Emma.

I'm fascinated by the time period and the characters in her stories.  The scenery, music, and clothing are all so beautiful.  I think it's the allure of another time and place that draws me to it.  The stories and characters are not so different than people today.  If you take away the clothing and speech, they would act just as people do today.  Austen crafts her characters to point out human flaws.  The stories are touching and deep, but also have elements of humor.  I love it all.

"The Time Has Come"...

...the walrus said, "To talk of many things:
Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--
Of cabbages--and kings--
And why the sea is boiling hot--
And whether pigs have wings."

-Lewis Carroll

As the title implies, it's time for another post.  I should be asleep right about now, but isn't that how things always go. 

Christmas break was great.  I got time to see my family and spent Christmas morning with people I love.  It was hard being away from my guy, but we managed to handle the distance well.  I'm back in Starkvegas this week and have been spending time with him and settling in for the next semester.  I had a job interview on Monday that I think went very well.  I'll get the results of that later this week. (Crossing my fingers that I got the internship!)  Classes officially start tomorrow, but I only have Tuesday-Thursday classes.  Should be pretty great.  I'm in a cleaning mood tomorrow, so I plan on going through closets and such and getting rid of unnecessaries.  Better watch out, Mr. Closet Monster, I'm comin' in.  

While being in this relationship is more that I ever dreamed or imagined, I need to be careful about some things.  My personality is what I'm going to phrase an adapter.  I change to fit other people's personality so that everything works.  While that's a great thing sometimes, other times I tend to lose a bit of myself.  I'm fully aware of it this time around, so I think I can do a few things to make sure I'm not changing to make others happy.  Compromise is one thing, complete overhaul is another.  I need to make sure I keep around the things  that are essentially me.  For instance, my guy likes country music.  So do I, and have for quite some time now.  But there is other music that I like, that I listened to quite a bit before I met him.  It's not like he told me I can't listen to that music now, but I just adapt my music tastes to his.  Some of it is legitimately that I like the same music, and others it that I listen to it because he likes it.  I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but I shouldn't lose the other kinds of music that I like in the process.  Most of the things are very small and not too noticeable.  But if I want someone to love me just like I am, I need to be fully myself and not an adapter.  I'm working on it. 

Things that are essentially me: I like some girly things like chick flicks, jewelry, purses, and other general foo-foo at times.  I like classical music, popular rock, and acoustic/bluegrass.  As country as I am, there's a good bit of the whole rocker girl there.  I'm a bit of a rebel.  I'm competitive and independent to a point.  I can take care of myself.  I really enjoy things like fine Italian food, hot tea, classic literature, plays, symphonies, and museums.  I love skiing and ice skating.  I dream of going to Italy one day. 

Speaking of ice, it's freezing in here.  It's interesting sometimes when it's my sister paying the light bill.  Needless to say, our heater isn't getting a big workout at the moment.  There are currently four blankets on my bed.  There would be a few more, but I'm too cold to get up and get another one from the living room.  That reminds me, I need to get up and brush my teeth.  Sigh.  I hate getting ready for bed.  I'd like to just fall into bed and pass out.  But no, I've got to wash my face, take meds, and brush my teeth.  Oh well.  Here goes.  Until next time, goodnight to my wonderful world of internet readers.        

Thousand Dollar Wit

Soo... Recently my posts (though sparing) have been somewhat in the direction of the not so happy. Ok, downright depressing. But I've decided to pull out that thousand dollar wit and humor again to have you thoroughly entertained.  Ok, so somewhat amused at least.  I hope.  Ahem.

So let's get the ball rolling.  Since I don't have anything in particular to rant about nor do I have an appropriate soapbox topic as of late, I'll go on about what's going on in my life.  I know you're on the edge of your seat now.

I successfully (depending on how you define success) finished another semester of college.  I passed all my classes and didn't bomb my gpa too bad.  I have ONE more semester left!  It can't end soon enough.  But then again, I like the college life.  Just not the classes, tests, teachers, and that sort of stuff.  Ah well.  I'm taking 12 hours (the least number of hours I've had in the history of ever) and I'm looking forward to it.  I also hopefully will have an internship (cross your fingers Monday morning).  I hope it will be the jump-start I need to begin this whole career thing.

I am happier than I've been...pretty much ever.  Most of that is due to a wonderful addition to my life.  You'll probably get tired of hearing about him, but I don't care.  This is my blog, after all.  I figure if you didn't like hearing me ramble on, you would have stopped following long ago! (Because rambling is my middle name.  Ok, not really. That would be awful silly.  My momma loves me more than that.) Anywho, back to the topic at hand.  I am being treated like the inner princess that I am (tongue-in-cheek here, people) and we have so much fun together.  I have finally found someone who can be as goofy as I am, and understands all my random cartoon movie references.  Hello, first date we watched The Emperor's New Groove.  Can you say keeper? That's all I'll go on about right now.  Stay tuned for more gushing. ;)

I have direction in my life and that makes me happy as well.  I like having a plan.  And making lists.  And brainstorming.  And being organized.  Probably to the point of obsession, but hey, one must obsess about something.  Or somethings...  I digress.  So here's the plan (I've stopped putting letters e.g. A, B, C because there are only 25 letters in the English alphabet...):  Get an internship and finish my last semester of college.  I love multitasking.  Yay.  Then, in a perfect world, that internship would morph into a full-time job.  If not, I'll find a full-time job somewhere.  I want to stay in the Starkville area for a while.  That will allow me to save up some money and get my feet under me.  That's about as far as I've gotten, but it's much farther than I was just a couple months ago.

I am in a crafty mood as of late.  Not the trick you kinda crafty, but the make cool stuff out of regular stuff kinda crafty.  My project in progress is making Christmas ornaments.  Yes, I'm aware that December 25th has already passed.  I'm looking ahead to next Christmas.  They're made of paper circles that you score and glue together to form a geometrical sphere thing.  I'll have to post a picture later.  Hard to explain.  Anyhow, they're made with cool vintage/old fashioned-looking paper.  I think that shall be the theme to the Christmas decorations I'm amassing slowly.  I've decided to get three jars.  One with $, another with $$, and the third with $$$ written on them.  In them I'll put slips of paper with ideas for craft projects.  Most of the ones I do right now will probably come out of the $ jar, seeing as how I'm broke most of the time.

I have a fabulous idea to start my own business.  I want to be a special events coordinator.  (That's my official title.  Party planner sounds a bit unimpressive).  I have all kinds of ideas floating around in my head, some of which have landed on paper in my Book of Gradios Ideas.  Yes, it has a title.  Just go with it.  I have a rather large bubble around my head and would hate to have it slap someone in the face when it popped.  Just sayin'.

So there are some random, off-the-wall, crazy things that are going on right now.  Hope you were enterta--I mean, slightly amused. Adios por ahora.