Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Country Is...

...the sound of the wind shuffling through the trees. It is the sound of laughter coming from the kitchen, the place where everyone gathers. Country is the creaking front porch swing mixed with the clink of ice in a glass of sweet tea. The crunch of fall leaves underfoot, and the soothing sound of crickets at night are the sounds of the country. The country is someone older and wiser telling you stories about "the good ol' days."

Country is the smell of rain after a summer shower. It is the crisp fragrance of fresh cut grass in the summer, and the smell of leaves burning in the fall. Country is waking up to the smell of bacon, eggs, grits, biscuits, and coffee. Country is fresh air and newly plowed ground.

Country is feel of grass under bare feet. Country is a warm hug from someone you love. It is the feel of a spring breeze bringing with it a subtle hint of summer. Country is riding in the back of a pick-up truck, letting the wind blow across your face and through your hair. It is homemade quilts and bonfires keeping you warm in the winter. Country is a child's sweet kiss on your cheek. Country is cold dirt between your fingers.

Country is the taste of fried chicken on Sunday after church. It's the taste of blueberries picked right off the bush. Country is the sweet taste of honeysuckle. Country is sweet iced tea on a hot, humid summer afternoon. It is the taste of a ripe, still warm from the sun, homegrown tomato.

Country is seeing your family often. Country is watching the sun rise and set every day. It is children's smiles and lover's kisses. Country is 200 year old live oak trees. It is being in the middle of nowhere and finding yourself there. It is looking as far as you can see, and seeing nothing but God's creation all around you. Country is colorful quilts, beautiful flowers, and loving people.

I know there is more that I didn't include, but this is a taste of what country is to me.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Some of my Favorite Songs

Here's a sampling of lyrics from my favorite songs at the moment.

The Show- Lenka

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze, and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go
Can't do it alone
I've tried, but i don't know why

I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but i don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down
I know, I've got to let it go
And just enjoy the show

Too Much Rain-Paul McCartney

Laugh when your eyes are burning
Smile when your heart is filled with pain
Sigh as you brush away your sorrow
Make a vow that it's not gonna happen again
It's not right in one life too much rain

You know the wheels keep turning
Why do the tears run down your face?
We used to hide away our feelings
But for now tell yourself it won't happen again

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Snatched Away

Seems as if whenever something is going good in life, it gets snatched away. Why does that always happen? One moment, you are relishing this new and wonderful thing, and everything is going great. Life is good. You're happy, content. And then it's snatched away. But not so far that you can't see it anymore, just far enough that it is out of your reach. Like someone dangling a carrot in front of your face. It's always there in the back of your mind, showing up at the worst possible times in the form of memories or other painful reminders. Why do the good things have to be taken away? Maybe because there is something better waiting? If so, why not just skip the "good" and go straight for the "better"? What purpose did it serve? It's so incredibly aggrivating. The things that are "gone" keep showing up, dangling in my face, and I can't have them. I'm tired of learning "life lessons." I don't want to look back and say to myself, "Well, I learned alot from that mess" again. Is that knowledge worth the pain? I want to find that place where instead I say to myself, "This is what I've been waiting on for so long! It's finally here!" Will I ever get to that place? I find myself wanting what I've lost. I can't see the future, only the past, and I want that happiness and contentment that I had previously. Sure, there may be something even better around the corner, but there's no way I can see it. What if I missed what was "around the corner" and it's now behind me? I'm pretty sure that logic is screwed up somehow, but I can't help but entertain those thoughts.

All those lines that people feed you are just bologna. (And yes, I had to sing the Oscar Meyer song in my head to spell it right.) "You're young, you've got plenty of time." Time is never promised to anyone. "You'll figure it out." Sure, but how many mistakes and heartache will I have to endure to "figure it out" only to find that I'll never have it all figured out?

Please consider all of this rhetorical. Ranting, if you will. It's the product of a long week and a sleepless night.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Another Saturday

Another Saturday has come and (almost) gone. It was a good day to be a Bulldog. I woke up at 11 am (a bit early for me on a Saturday). I went to the MSU vs Arkansas football game. I have to be honest, I really thought we were going to get stomped into the ground...again. We haven't beaten Arkansas in 10 years! But...I love conjunctions like this one...WE WON!!! It was the best game so far this year. Even better 'cause it was the last home game. It got really close there in the last 10 seconds, but thanks to a horrible field goal attempt by the Hogs, we avoided a tie. I was right at the edge of the student section when the game ended. If the students stormed the field, I was going to be in the middle of it. Sadly, no one took the first leap. Probably because the first one over the rail gets arrested... Someone really needs to take one for the team. I want to storm the field sometime during my college career. After that, I went to the basketball game. We played some team I've never heard of and beat them by 40 points or so. So that was fun. :)

It is COLD here. The past few nights have been in the 20s. I love cold weather! Hats, scarves, hot chocolate, fleece blankets...amazing! The leaves have all changed color and are falling now. I love this time of year. Here's an interesting picture of "The Half and Half Tree" on campus. It's the same tree, but half of the leaves are green, half are yellow. It stays this way until they all fall off. Pretty cool, huh?

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Take Me There

I heard this song on the radio this afternoon. If I find this guy, I'll have found the one.

Take Me There by Rascal Flatts

There's a place in your heart nobody's been
Take me there
Things nobody knows, not even your friends
Take me there

Tell me about your mama, your daddy, your hometown
Show me around, I want to see it all
Don't leave anything out
I wanna know everything about you then
And I want to go down every road you've been
Where your hopes and dreams and wishes live
Where you keep the rest of your life hid
I want to know the girl behind that pretty stare
Take me there

Your first real kiss, your first true love
You were scared
Show me where you learned about life,
Spent your summer nights without a care
I wanna roll down Main Street, the back roads,
Like you did when you were a kid,
What made you who you are
Tell me what your story is

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Do You Really Know Me?

I feel as if people really don't see the real me. I know that's rather cliche, but it's true sometimes. I know that my family knows me best, and they do see who I am, but it's because they try; they want to see me as I am. Lately it seems as if certain people are constantly misunderstanding, misrepresenting, and underestimating me.

I was telling a friend how good it was to have spent a weekend in rural Mississippi, a place that was similar to where I grew up. That person made the comment that they never thought of me as a country girl, only seeing my nice shoes and clothes. I guess it didn't occur to them that the majority of time we spent together was in church... I remarked that I was quite the country girl, and then something was said that I cannot get out of my mind. Basically, they could see me being "country" when it was fun, but not "when it mattered." I wasn't sure what to make of that. I know that I have it within myself to thrive in a rural area especially when it matters. That is where my heart is, and where it will always remain, regardless of where I actually end up living. It caught me off guard that they didn't know me any better than that, even after months of "getting to know each other better." I really think it's because they thought they knew everything about me already, and was just looking for confirmation of what they assumed. It just doesn't work that way. I'm not going to spend my time defending how I actually am against what they assume. And you know what they say about assuming...

It saddens me that people are only interesting in getting to know others in a two-dimensional way. They only see the parts of that person they encounter personally. For example, if you meet someone through a class, they only know the academic side of you. I doubt they think about other dimensions of your personality. There is so much more to a person than what you can see or encounter at a specific time. There are emotions, memories, past experiences, connections with other people, and so much more. None of those things are two-dimensional. You have to take all the dimensions of a person into consideration when you're trying to get to know someone better. Don't make assumptions based on what you've seen. Ask questions, listen to stories, look at the other people that are important to them, a truly strive to know them better.

How can I describe myself with just words? I am more than words; I am a smile, a look, a laugh, a touch. How other people might describe me, I do not know. I can only tell you what I see in myself, what I feel.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Bittersweet Tears

My grandmother passed away over the weekend, and the funeral was yesterday. I was sad, of course, when my mother called to tell us, but the last few years, and especially the summer, were really rough for her. She had Alzheimer's and didn't really recognize anyone anymore. I know that she was a Christian, and I'm glad she's in heaven now. I try to remember the good memories I have of my grandmother. She and I would make cookies together when I was little. When she walked out of the room, I would steal some cookie dough out of the bowl with my finger. She was a great cook. I remember Christmases and Thanksgivings spent at her house. She was also a great seamstress and quilter. I have several quilts she made for me. We would also spend time outside, walking and looking at all the flowers she had planted. I remember those things from my childhood. I would love to learn to quilt so that I can carry that on.

Needless to say, the week has been exhausting. Between school, and travelling, and family I was utterly tired. I drove alot in the past week, while my sister slept in the front seat. No fair! But I did kind of insist on driving... :) Seeing family was good, but I'm sure you know what it's like when everyone gets together. I have a crazy family.

I was thinking as I was driving yesterday. Driving is one of the best places to think. It's too bad you can't blog in the car. I think of great things to write about when I'm driving, but forget them when I get to a computer. Maybe I need to get a voice recorder or something... Anyhow, back to what I was thinking about. It seems to be all around me, everywhere I turn- people are getting divorced, or breaking up. It's really sad. It brings to my mind several questions: How can two people love each other (or seem to love each other) and one day end it all? Did they love each other to begin with? And, most importantly, how can I keep this from happening to me? Just something I've been thinking about.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Remember When...

Tonight I am in a very reflective mood. Memories of childhood have come to the surface. I have so many great memories! Luckily, many of those memories were captured on film. I've been sitting by the fireplace looking at old picture albums. I think I'll scan and post some pictures on here soon. I spent the weekend in rural Mississippi. It was so nice to be back in the sticks. It was very similar to where I grew up, and I think that's a part of the reason I've been remembering things. I love pictures!