Sunday, August 29, 2010

Can't Sleep for the Rambling in My Head

I just got back from a weekend retreat with the BSU.  We had a good time, but I'm pretty tired.  That being said, I can't sleep because there is too much on my mind.  Lots of randomness floating around up there.  So here goes:

WARNING: Not for small eyes. I'm speaking rather candidly here and my filter is all but gone tonight.  Also, if you're male and get offended really easily, it might be best for you to hit the back button right now.

1) Friday was not so great.  Several people were getting on my nerves.  I was even getting on my nerves.  And sometimes I get in these "I'm pissed off for no good reason" moods.  Other times, I have good reason.

2) I'm so sick of emotions. Can I just live without them for a couple days so that I can have a break?  I'm up and down all the time.  Not cool in the least.

3) The people who hurt you the most are those who are closest to you.

4) Why do people give up when things are hard and circumstances aren't perfect?  If you want to be with someone, why would you let things stand in your way?  There is always a way to make do, to work it out, to compromise until things are better.  Do they give up because it's hard?  Inconvenient? Just don't care enough?

5) If we would stop for just a millisecond and consider how the next word out of our mouth or our next action will effect the person we're around, maybe we would say something different or not act quite the way we would otherwise.  Think about someone other than yourself!  That little inside joke that seems funny to you might really be hurtful to the person you say it to.  If someone had expressly told you not to bring that subject up again, and you do it anyway, how insensitive and uncaring do you have to be to keep on bringing it up?!

6) Sometimes when I talk, I think all that gets through to the person I'm talking to is static.  I talk until I'm blue in the face and I get absolutely no feedback.  Maybe some stupid cop-out or excuse, but nothing of value, nothing sincere. I'm so tired of talking.  When there's a problem, I'd love for that person to come to me to work it out, not the other way around.  I try and try and try to make things work and no one cares. (Fyi, I really wanted to cuss right then. Thank goodness for the backspace key.)  That's it. I can't try anymore.  No one cares, so why should I?

7) Guys are dumb. Seriously. I've had it with the whole gender.  Trying to have a relationship is crap. It doesn't work.  Not for me, at least. Maybe the problem lies with me, I don't know, but what I do know is that if I stay away from it, it won't be a problem anymore.  Guys could care less what I think or feel.  They feed me all this utter garbage about me being pretty and special and thinking I'm the greatest.  "There's just something about you."  "You're amazing."  "The way you make me feel is amazing."  If I hear those things one more time, I think I'd barf on his shoes.  You cannot tell me that crap then turn around and do the things you do.  Or don't do.  Inaction is 100x worse than action sometimes.  If he's doing something, at least I know he's trying and that he cares.  If he doesn't do anything, that shows me that he could give a rat's hiney about me or my thoughts or feelings.  Getting mad at him doesn't work either.  I can yell and scream and cuss, and nothing gets through.  The best I get is a shocked face after I use a choice word.  They can't even give me the satisfaction of being mad at them.  Right when I get good and steamed, I get a text message with an apology.  UGH! Couldn't you let me fume for at least 20 minutes?!  And seriously, a freakin text message?  Grow some balls.  I don't know what you male people want from me. I just don't get it.

8) The room feels like it's spinning right now.  Don't know why.  Makes it kinda hard to type, fyi.

9) The people I complain about, who really need to hear what I say on here, never read it.  The things I say don't get through.  If it wasn't a way for me to vent my frustration without imploding, it would be pointless to even say anything about it.  I'm pretty much preaching to the choir.  Or maybe to no one, I really don't know.  Most of what I say on this blog is insignificant anyway.  In fact, most of my pathetic, high school drama filled life is insignificant.  Apart from Christ, I really wouldn't have much worth.

10) I'm sick and tired of all this crap that's cluttering my thoughts and make me want to just stay in bed and sleep so I don't have to deal with it.  I'm so weary, cynical, and jaded right now, it's not even funny.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Beginning and Ending

The end of the summer is always a bittersweet thing for me.  I know I always say that, but it's true.  Having two different lives in two different states is really hard for me.  I hope soon it won't have to be that way.

I wrapped up the summer by spending the weekend at the lake.  I drove up on Friday evening and left Sunday afternoon.  The weekend was great.  I spent some time with friends I hadn't seen in a while.  I also love being out on the boat.  This time we got to ride jet skis.  It was the first time I'd driven jet skis and it was awesome.  I also decided to try my hand (or feet, rather) at wake boarding.  I was super nervous the first time.  And it took me about ten tries to finally get up on the water.  After trying and trying, I started to get discouraged, but the first time I got up on the water, even though I didn't stay up long, the feeling was incredible.  I had accomplished something I didn't think I could do.

Being at the lake allows me to go outside, usually after our Bible study on Saturday night, and think about the things that are going on in my life at the moment.  It's not always fun to process the different problems that are going on, but for me it's necessary. I went to sit down by the water and let the open air and open sky clear my head.  I didn't find any magical answers there, but it felt good just to have room to breathe and let out some stress.

Things I miss about Texas: Family, kolaches, Texas country music, my Sunday school class, open space, low humidity, wide roads, fast speed limits.

I've decided I'm a speed junkie.  There's no feeling close to the one where you're racing along at high speeds. It's exhilarating, thrilling, and takes my breath away.  I love the feeling, and it's the closest I can get to euphoria for now.  Too bad I don't get to experience it very often.  Perhaps someday though.

Wake boarding took a toll on my muscles so the drive back to MS was hard and long.  I'm still sore from doing it, but it was worth it.  It's good to be back in MS and start the school year.  My last year--wow. It's hard to believe.  College has flown by.  I'm not going to start on all the things I'll miss, because I have one more year left to enjoy them to the fullest.  I'll save that blog post for April 30, 2011.    

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Aerial Photographs

Check out these photos.  I never would have thought aerial photography could be this beautiful.  It shows how different our world is, across all the continents.

Friday, August 6, 2010

The Great Empanada Adventure

I made my first test recipe tonight-Chicken Empanadas. You can find the recipe here:

The recipe was easy to follow and make.  It did take a bit of time though, and getting the oil the right temp was a challenge.  They were very tasty though!  This is definitely something I could make if I had a catering business.  Maybe a part of a Mexican or Tapas menu.  Ahhh the possibilities!

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Same Sunset

I think I've taken this particular shot about 20 times since I've been home. This is my favorite spot near sunset.  I love the trees becoming a silhouette as the sun goes down. Even though I take this shot a lot, the pictures never come out looking identical.  

I've decided that I'm going to test recipes this coming year.  I've been toying with the idea of owning a catering business somewhere in the future, so this would be a good start.  I even have a handy-dandy notebook. ;)  I'll have to post the ones that are really good.  Or should I keep them secret? Hmmm...