Friday, August 28, 2009

Right Here Right Now

I had a great day today, despite having to get up at 6:30 to make it to my 8 o'clock class. I have an hour to kill between classes, so I went to the library to get some hot tea for a sore throat, and sat outside reading. It was very pretty weather today so sitting outside was really nice. I got to a really sad part in my book and had to tell myself not to cry! It's a good thing I've read it twice before, so I was able to read it fast and not bawl like I did the first two times.

After classes, I had lunch with my very bestest friend. We talked for hours! It was great. And after she left, I got a message from another friend, so I went to hang out with her for a while. I love my friends!

My mom and brother have been in and out of the house this week. My brother is a senior in high school, so they came out to look at schools in the area. It's been nice having them here. I love it here in Mississippi, and it's good to have almost everyone here. Oh, and good news! My dad will be coming home from overseas soon! We're not sure exactly when just yet, but I'm really glad he's coming home. He's been working overseas for two and a half years now. I miss him terribly.

As I was having lunch with my bestest best friend today, we started talking about where we are in life, and where we're headed. I realized (not for the first time) that I am constantly living in the future. I keep waiting for something to happen. Whether it's next weekend, six months from now, or a year down the road. I'm always waiting for the next big thing to happen. I think I'm missing so much that's going on right here and now. There are amazing things that happen everyday, but if you're not looking for them, they will pass by unnoticed. I guess it's all about being content. Being happy with whatever situation you find yourself in. Paul said he had learned how to be content. That gives me hope, because if it was something that was supposed to come natural, I'd be out of luck. But it's something that I can work on and learn. So I need to be happy being me, and being where I am, and being happy with the people who are in my life right now. I shouldn't worry about those who have moved on or those yet to come.

"So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34 (NAS)

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." Philippians 4:6 (NAS)


Thursday, August 20, 2009


My first week as a junior is almost complete. Only two more classes to go tomorrow. It's been a good week overall, with only a few rough spots. I'm liking my classes so far, but they will definitely be more challenging and require much more time and effort than in previous semesters. I'm looking forward to getting more into what I want to do as a career though. Even though I'm still ironing that out.

I'm at home now, listening to the end of the thunderstorm I got caught in walking to my car. I've decided that I like thunderstorms, but I enjoy them much more when I'm inside and dry. :)

Friday, August 14, 2009

One Year Passed

Well, one year has passed since I started writing. When I go back and look at where I was then, it seems like it was ages ago. So much has happened, good and bad, in the past year. I can't say it's been the easiest year of my life, and I sure don't want to relive it. All I can do is move on, forget about the hurtful things, and remember the good things. Sometimes it's hard to do that, but it's the only way to keep going.

It seems like I have to start over so often. Whether it's moving locations, trying to move on from a relationship, or just a change of heart, I have to refocus and restart. I keep hoping one day that maybe I'll be in a more stable situation. It hasn't happened yet, nor do I foresee it happening in the near future. It all seems kind of disheartening and hopeless at the moment, but maybe that's because I'm trying to accomplish the daunting task of packing. That never makes me feel particularly chipper.

I always seem to screw things up in the summer. I don't know why. It starts out good, then progressively gets worse as it gets closer to me moving back to school. I mess up relationships right and left. It's hard to do things you want to do, while thinking of others. I think I try to make everything work out the way I think it should be, only Newsflash!-It doesn't work. Can I just be three again when the most earth shattering thing that happened to me was when I couldn't find my stuff animal before I went to bed?

Well, here I go again. Another summer over and another semester beginning. This year has to be better than last. It just has to be...

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

I So Hate Consequences

And I'm good, good, good to go
I got to get away
Get away from all of my mistakes

So here I sit looking at the traffic lights
The red extinguishes the hope that the green ignites
I want to run away I want to ditch my life
Cause all of my mistakes keep me awake at night

And after all of my alibis desert me
I just want to get by
I don't want nothing to hurt me
I had no idea where my head was at
But if my heart says I'm sorry can we leave it at that
Because I just want for all of this to end

And I so hate consequences
And running from you is what my best defense is
Oh God, don't make me face up to this
And I so hate consequences
And running from you is what my best defense is
Cause I know that I let you down
And I don't want to deal with that

It just now hit me this is more than just a set back
And when you spelled it out, well, I guess I didn't get that
And every trace of momentum is gone
And this isn't turning out the way I want

And after all of my alibis desert me
I just want to get by
I don't want nothing to hurt me
I had no idea where my head was at
But if my heart says I'm sorry can we leave it at that
Because I just want for all of this to end

And I spent all last night
Tearing down
Every stoplight
And stop sign in this town
Now I think there might
Be no way to stop me now
I'll get away despite
The fact I'm so weighed down

All of my escapes have been exhausted
I thought I had a way but then I lost it
And my resistance was once much stronger
And I know I can't go on like this much longer

When I got tired of running from you
I stopped right there to catch my breath
There your words they caught my ears
You said, "I miss you son. Come home"
And my sins, they watched me leave
And in my heart I so believed
The love you felt for me was more than
The love I'd wished for all this time
And when the doors were closed
I heard no I told so's
I said the words I knew you knew
Oh God, Oh God I needed you
God all this time I needed you, I needed you

And I so hate consequences
And running from you is what my best defense is
I hate these consequences
Because I know that I let you down
Now I don't wanna deal with that
-Relient K

Monday, August 10, 2009

An Incredible 48 hours

I just got off the phone with a friend who is in Nicaragua. How cool is that?! He went down there about a month ago and will be there for thirteen months. It was great to hear about what's happening down there. Maybe we'll get a trip together to go visit. That would be pretty sweet.

I had an awesome weekend. I had a date Friday night to the Cory Morrow concert in town. It was a good concert. Good music and I even got to dance a few songs. Found out that I can't dance worth a flip, but I think I just need more practice. I'll catch on eventually. (Warning: sarcasm) I'll just add it to the list of things I suck at.

After the concert we drove the two and a half hours to the lake. It was nice to have that time alone to talk and hang out. I'm gonna miss those times spent together, but I'm glad I have those memories to hang onto until we can make new ones.

The lake was incredibly low this time. In some places the normal watermark was twenty feet higher than where the water is now. It's kinda sad. But we were able to launch the boat a couple miles up the road and do our normal activities.

I don't normally do much other than ride in the boat and swim, but I decided to get on the tube. Two of us got on it, and as I was getting out of the boat I asked the driver not to throw me too hard. I'm a bit of a chicken when it comes to stuff like that. Anyway, we got on and took off. He was going easy on us, and the brilliant soul who was riding with me decides to let go of the handholds and get up on his knees. Usually this encourages the driver to nail it, which he did. The fearless one riding with me decided it might be better if he hung on again, but alas was too late and away he went. Usually when two people are tubing and one falls off, the other is not far behind. But not so! I managed to hang on. So we went back to pick him up and go a second round. The second was much like the first, but instead he almost stands up on the tube. This action elicited the same reaction as before, and he flipped over me and into the water. He ate it that time. It was hilarious, and I can only imagine what it looked like to the spectators in the boat. I didn't fall off this time either, but thought I might cause I was laughing so hard. Even my friend in the water was hysterical. Too funny.

That was only one instance of the great times we had. I was really glad I got to spend time with the group, certain people in particular. I've had the privilege of getting to know some pretty incredible people, and I'm going to miss them terribly. But I will be back, hopefully often, and can see everyone again. Until then I'll look forward to keeping in touch via the internet, phone-heck, carrier pigeons if I have to. Good friends are too rare to let something as trivial as a few miles take that friendship away.