Sunday, December 21, 2008
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Friday, December 19, 2008
We made it to the train station just in time to catch our 12:44 train to Salzburg. We also discovered that five people and about ten pieces of luggage do not navigate the inside of a train car very well…
On the three hour train ride to Salzburg, I caught my first glimpse of snow! How exciting for this Mississippi Girl to have a white Christmas! I feel like a little kid again when I encounter snow. It is awe-inspiring to me.
I didn’t get a very good first impression of Salzburg, because it was dark when we arrived. It was a lot bigger than I expected. We got a taxi at the train station and told him where we were staying. We arrived there but it was not Villa Trapp. They were private apartments. Talk about feeling like awkward Americans… He finally called the place, and we arrived at Villa Trapp, the Von Trapp Family Home. As I said, it was dark but inside the house was beautiful. Christopher, the man who runs the villa, was extremely nice, and showed us to our rooms. Mamma and Daddy stayed downstairs in the Barron’s suite. The three of us stayed in Maria’s suit. How neat! It was beautiful, very clean and fresh. Only two benches in the foyer were original furniture. The rooms were furnished with modern furniture. Still, very pretty.
After getting our luggage put away in our rooms, we called a taxi to take us to a restaurant. When we went inside, they did not have a table available for us, so we had to sit in the bar area. As time went on, it got smokier and noisier. We also had a rather…fresh waiter, which my sister did not approve. The food was good though—I ate beef goulash—but our dining experience was less than pleasant. It probably didn’t help that we were very tired. We went back to the hotel and crashed.
We only had one night and half a day to spend in Salzburg. A good detour on our way to Solden, I think.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Monday, December 15, 2008
Saturday, December 13, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
So as I prepare to spend some great times with my family, I thank God for everything he has given me. My family and I are so blessed. I have some truly incredible people in my life. And I want to take this time to say thanks for everyone who has been reading my blog all along. Thanks for the kind words of encouragement. I love you all!
Monday, December 1, 2008
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Country is seeing your family often. Country is watching the sun rise and set every day. It is children's smiles and lover's kisses. Country is 200 year old live oak trees. It is being in the middle of nowhere and finding yourself there. It is looking as far as you can see, and seeing nothing but God's creation all around you. Country is colorful quilts, beautiful flowers, and loving people.
Monday, November 24, 2008
The Show- Lenka
I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze, and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go
Can't do it alone
I've tried, but i don't know why
I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but i don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down
I know, I've got to let it go
And just enjoy the show
Too Much Rain-Paul McCartney
Laugh when your eyes are burning
Smile when your heart is filled with pain
Sigh as you brush away your sorrow
Make a vow that it's not gonna happen again
It's not right in one life too much rain
You know the wheels keep turning
Why do the tears run down your face?
We used to hide away our feelings
But for now tell yourself it won't happen again
Sunday, November 23, 2008
All those lines that people feed you are just bologna. (And yes, I had to sing the Oscar Meyer song in my head to spell it right.) "You're young, you've got plenty of time." Time is never promised to anyone. "You'll figure it out." Sure, but how many mistakes and heartache will I have to endure to "figure it out" only to find that I'll never have it all figured out?
Please consider all of this rhetorical. Ranting, if you will. It's the product of a long week and a sleepless night.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
It is COLD here. The past few nights have been in the 20s. I love cold weather! Hats, scarves, hot chocolate, fleece blankets...amazing! The leaves have all changed color and are falling now. I love this time of year. Here's an interesting picture of "The Half and Half Tree" on campus. It's the same tree, but half of the leaves are green, half are yellow. It stays this way until they all fall off. Pretty cool, huh?
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Sunday, November 16, 2008
I was telling a friend how good it was to have spent a weekend in rural Mississippi, a place that was similar to where I grew up. That person made the comment that they never thought of me as a country girl, only seeing my nice shoes and clothes. I guess it didn't occur to them that the majority of time we spent together was in church... I remarked that I was quite the country girl, and then something was said that I cannot get out of my mind. Basically, they could see me being "country" when it was fun, but not "when it mattered." I wasn't sure what to make of that. I know that I have it within myself to thrive in a rural area especially when it matters. That is where my heart is, and where it will always remain, regardless of where I actually end up living. It caught me off guard that they didn't know me any better than that, even after months of "getting to know each other better." I really think it's because they thought they knew everything about me already, and was just looking for confirmation of what they assumed. It just doesn't work that way. I'm not going to spend my time defending how I actually am against what they assume. And you know what they say about assuming...
It saddens me that people are only interesting in getting to know others in a two-dimensional way. They only see the parts of that person they encounter personally. For example, if you meet someone through a class, they only know the academic side of you. I doubt they think about other dimensions of your personality. There is so much more to a person than what you can see or encounter at a specific time. There are emotions, memories, past experiences, connections with other people, and so much more. None of those things are two-dimensional. You have to take all the dimensions of a person into consideration when you're trying to get to know someone better. Don't make assumptions based on what you've seen. Ask questions, listen to stories, look at the other people that are important to them, a truly strive to know them better.
How can I describe myself with just words? I am more than words; I am a smile, a look, a laugh, a touch. How other people might describe me, I do not know. I can only tell you what I see in myself, what I feel.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Needless to say, the week has been exhausting. Between school, and travelling, and family I was utterly tired. I drove alot in the past week, while my sister slept in the front seat. No fair! But I did kind of insist on driving... :) Seeing family was good, but I'm sure you know what it's like when everyone gets together. I have a crazy family.
I was thinking as I was driving yesterday. Driving is one of the best places to think. It's too bad you can't blog in the car. I think of great things to write about when I'm driving, but forget them when I get to a computer. Maybe I need to get a voice recorder or something... Anyhow, back to what I was thinking about. It seems to be all around me, everywhere I turn- people are getting divorced, or breaking up. It's really sad. It brings to my mind several questions: How can two people love each other (or seem to love each other) and one day end it all? Did they love each other to begin with? And, most importantly, how can I keep this from happening to me? Just something I've been thinking about.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
I've tried to read more this semester than I usually do. Normally, I don't read anything that isn't school related, because I'll get caught up in reading for pleasure instead of doing schoolwork. But this semester, I've tried to replace watching tv and movies with reading, and it's turned out pretty well so far. I also read before I go to bed. I can read for pleasure late at night, because if I don't comprehend everything I read, I can re-read it, and I won't be tested on it the next day. Not so for school reading. I absolutely love to read. There are so many great books out there. My favorite genre is probably christian fiction- mostly suspense/romance/mystery. I also enjoy reading books like the one mentioned above. Books that get me thinking about important things in life. So, if you have a good book recommendation, leave me a comment. I'd love to hear them.
Going into the week, I thought that it would be pretty much the most terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week ever. I had 4 tests+my regular homework. YUCK! It hasn't been so bad thus far however. I took my trig test about 2 hours ago, and that turned out much, much better than I expected. I have two tests tomorrow, back to back, that I have to study a good bit for-Spanish and Psychology. Psych won't be so bad, but I need to study alot for Spanish; lots of nit picky things to remember. And last but not least, my Small Group Communication test on Friday. Yuck, a test on Friday. Oh well. It won't be terrible. So, because I'm processing this overload in small pieces, I'm not freaking out about it.
I just got an email that my 11 o'clock class is cancelled tomorrow. Hooray!!! :) More time to slee-I mean study, of course...
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Today I was walking on the drill field, and heard someone yelling. It was a guy standing on the retaining wall that circles the flag pole in the middle of the drill field. He was yelling at the top of his lungs. I rolled my eyes as I passed by, thinking to myself, "Cool weather is coming and bringing the crazies with it." Every year, different people go to the middle of the drill field and "preach" aka yell Jesus at people. Even the Christians I know think they're crazy and annoying. But as I walked by, I began to listen to what he was saying. I couldn't hear every word, but from what I did hear, I didn't disagree with what the guy was saying-or rather, yelling. He was saying that God gave up his only son, just so you can go to heaven, that God loves you, and desires that none should perish (quoting scripture). I realized that I didn't disagree with his message, just his method of delivery. I walked by fellow classmates and heard this phrase several times: "And then I heard 'Jesus'..." Basically what they were saying was that they stopped to listen, or they were curious about what all the commotion was, until they heard him say 'Jesus.' After that, they discounted him as another religious nut who was condemning people to hell. I started thinking about that phrase "And then I heard 'Jesus.'" Instead of yelling "Jesus loves you!" in people's faces, what if we lived "Jesus loves you"? What if our kindness, love, and humility showed the love of Christ to everyone we come across day-to-day? Would they instead say "And then I saw Jesus..." or "And then I experienced Jesus..."? How would the rest of their sentence-the rest of their lives-change? If people could see Jesus in us, instead of just hear it, how many more lives would be touched? True witnessing to me is not walking up to some random person walking down the side walk and telling them in rapid fire mode "God loves you and he sent Jesus to die for you so you can live forever and ever with him in heaven and have a more fulfilling and wonderful life do you want to receive Jesus in your heart right now I can pray with you and you can know for sure that you're going to heaven if you died at this very moment!" How effective is that? I would freak out if someone did that to me, and I'm a Christian! True witnessing to me is going out of your way to demonstrate love to the people you are around, developing relationships, and showing how Christ has made you different. How are you going to show Christ's love to someone today? How am I going to show Christ's love to someone today?
Monday, October 20, 2008
Than try to fix what's going on
But the problem keeps on calling
Even with the cellphone gone
She told him that she believes in living
Bigger than she's living now
But her world keeps spinning backwards
Don't say so long, and throw yourself wrong
Don't spend today away
Cuz today will soon be
Gone, like yesterday is gone,
Like history is
Gone, just try and prove me wrong
And pretend like you're immortal
She said "He said live like no tomorrow"
Every day we borrow
Brings us one step closer to the edge (infinity)
Where's your treasure, where's your hope
If you get the world and lose your soul
She pretends like she pretends like she's immortal
Don't say so long
You're not that far gone
This could be your big chance to makeup
Today will soon be
Gone, like yeterday is gone,
Like history is gone,
The world keeps spinning on,
Your going going gone,
Like summer break is gone,
Like saturday is gone
Just try and prove me wrong
You pretend like your immortal your immortal
We are not infinite
We are not permanent
We're so confident
In our accomplishments
Look at our decadence
Gone, like Frank Sinatra
Like Elvis and his mom
Like AL Pacino's cash nothing lasts in this life
My highschool dreams are gone
My childhood sweets are gone
Life is a day that doesn't last for long
Life is more than money
Time was never money
Time was never cash,
Life is still more than girls
Life is more than hundred dollar bills
And roto-tom fills
Life's more than fame and rock and roll and thrills
All the riches of the kings end up in wills
We got information in the information age
But do we know what life is
Outside of our convenient Lexus cages
She said "He said live like no tomorrow"
Every moment that we borrow
Brings us closer to the God who's not short of cash
Hey Bono i'm glad you asked
Life is still worth living, life is still worth living
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Monday, October 13, 2008
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
I'm back from fall break. Just came home from the airport. It was a long, tiring, and melancholy 2 hours, and I came home to an empty house. I'm glad I have dogs, or it would have been really depressing. This is one night where I wish it would storm. I could use some thunder and lightning right about now. The weekend was...insightful, difficult, wonderful, reassuring-all at the same time. There are so many things going through my head, it's hard to iron all the wrinkles out. Good thoughts, hopeful thoughts, sad thoughts, and difficult thoughts. God has been dealing with me for a while, but it just seemed to hit home over the weekend. Someone this weekend said that whenever you have an encounter with God, you're effected, different, changed. I definitely feel effected.
- Sometimes I think finality is more difficult than uncertainty...
I'm reading an amazing book right now, called The Shack by WM. Paul Young. It's a really great book so far. Even though it's fiction, it reveals some amazing things about God, us, and our relationship with the Trinity. I won't say too much about it until I finish, but this book has already given me much insight. I cannot wait to post some of the quotations from this book that have absolutely stopped me in my tracks.
- "It's not always the harshest words that bring us understanding, Sometimes it's the quiet things, said or left unsaid" -From the song "That Old Man" by Tim Grimm
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Last night was a good night. I watched a good movie and had a good conversation on the phone. I slept well, and when I got up this morning (after hitting the snooze about 3 times) I was feeling good, and decently hopeful about the day. I'm really looking forward to the weekend and can't wait til it gets here, but I'm trying not to let the rest of the days pass me by. Many blessings can be contained in a single day. Anyway, I was almost late to class but wound up arriving right on time. Good start to the morning, I think. Things have started going downhill though. I had an awkward conversation (which was kind of frustrating, cause neither of us said what we were really thinking), and then a troubling email. Definitely enough to bring a good mood down a notch. I have a group meeting at 4, so I wasn't exactly thrilled about staying on campus for an extra two hours. I'm trying not to have a bad day...we'll see how well that works out.
I bought a bluegrass cd yesterday that has lots of hymns on it. I love to listen to and sing hymns. The music is beautiful and the lyrics poignant. One line of the hymn "When I Survey The Wondrous Cross" has been stuck in my head since I heard it last night: "Love so amazing, so divine, demands my soul, my life, my all." That part of the last verse just jumps out at me when I listen to it. Just about gives me chill bumps. It almost seems to tie together with what I was talking about in one of my previous posts. Still something I'm thinking about...
How hard it is to really stay connected with people has really been impressed upon me lately. How many times I've taken people and relationships for granted. When you see someone every day, you don't really think about working to keep that relationship going. It's easy to just talk and feel as if you're close. It's when you have to maintain relationships where the person isn't right next to you, not present in your day-to-day life. Friendships, family relationships, and dating relationships. And it doesn't have to be someone who is miles and miles away. It can be someone who is next door, but you just don't run into them every day. It takes work to spend time with someone, to involve them in your life, and be involved in theirs. It can be done, however, if both are willing to designate time and effort. I know I don't set aside enough time for people sometimes. I get "busy." I put that in quotation because how many times have we used that one word as a catch-all excuse in our lives? Everyone is busy! If you're not, then you probably should be. Working and staying busy is part of a good work ethic. We need work to be a part of our lives. So how can you stay connected with people even though you're "busy?" I think it takes getting your priorities straight and honest-to-goodness effort. With some relationships, I've got it all straight. I set aside time for that person, and without meaning to, effectively cut off everyone else. Sometimes things are so lopsided in my life. I'll do great in one area, but lack greatly in another. Life is such a tightrope walk. Even an inch in one direction or the other and you wind up on the floor.
Fall is on it's way. The leaves are starting to fall and the air has a bit of a bite in it (try saying that five times fast). Fall is my favorite time of year. I love the weather-and the clothes that I get to wear. :)
It just occurred to me that this is my first October post. So Happy October!
Monday, September 29, 2008
* Grab the nearest book.
* Open the book to page 56.
* Find the fifth sentence.
* Post the text of the next two to five sentences in your blog along with these instructions.
* Don’t dig for your favorite book, the cool book, or the intellectual one: pick the CLOSEST.
* Tag five other people to do the same.
"He made your eyes, and can discern
Whichever way you think to turn:
He made your ears and he can hear,
When you think nobody is near:
In every place by night or day,
He watches all you do and say."
The nearest book was sitting on my fireplace mantle. It's a book of children's poetry that I got from a bookstore in Canterbury, England. It was published in 1851. It's got some really good poems in it.
I don't have five people to tag, but I'll tag John and Erich.
I received an email this afternoon with this song attached: "You Don't Laugh Anymore" by Greg Whitfield. It's a really good song and it's funny that he should send me that song. Lately I've been thinking about the very thing the song talks about: love. In our culture, we are bombarded with symbols and examples of love. All of them seem so superficial, so temporary. People fall in and out of love, like that is what's supposed to happen. And this isn't just in the movies and music-this is in real life too. It's sad. It makes my heart break. It scares me because I don't want that to happen to me. How can you pour your whole heart and soul into another person's life, and all-of-a-sudden "fall out of love" with them? The whole concept of "love" is twisted and warped. I know for a fact that you can't base something that phenomenally important on feelings. Emotions are up and down all the time. You can't live your life by them. I'm still trying to nail down what love is to me. I used to think it was a decision, that you consciously decided to love someone, no matter what. I still hold to that, but on the other hand, I believed that you couldn't "fall out of love" with someone. It contradicts the earlier statement. If you decide to love someone, you can decide not to love them as well. It's something that's learned, I suppose. Definitely something to think about. I think 1 Corinthians 13 could shed some light on that subject. I believe I'll go look it up right now.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Something of note is happening this weekend, actually. The celebration of my 20th year on this planet. That's a pretty big accomplishment, don't you think? I survived the terrible twos, the giggly pre-teen years, up-and-down teen years, and my first year of college-and my parents didn't take me out! :) I've gained a lot of knowledge, some experience, and small amount of wisdom. Life has taught me to be strong, to laugh a lot, even through the tears, and to be kind to people.
That's all for now. :)
Saturday, September 20, 2008
*The smell of Sunday Dinner cooking in Granny's kitchen
*Shellin' peas on the front porch swing
*Dinner on the ground at church
*Going to sleep on the front porch swing
*Weddings in the spring
*Swimming in the creek
*Christmas at Bernice and Nancy’s house
*Hiding Easter eggs with my little cousins
*The smell of fall in the air
*The sound of crickets and bullfrogs on warm summer nights
*Walking across the pasture
*Riding the 4-Wheeler in the woods
*Walking to Granny’s church on Sunday morning
*Bottle feeding a baby calf
*Playing in the hay loft
*Playing in the woods
*Riding bikes to the store to get candy and ice cream
*Playing on the magnolia tree that fell across the creek
*The taste of honeysuckle
*Flying the Flag no matter who's in office
*Standing in the kitchen talking with all the women
*An ice-cold glass of sweet tea on a hot summer afternoon
*The sound of a whippoorwill late at night
*Old gospel hymns that feel new again each time you sing them
*Week-long revival services
In the South, there is a strong sense of family, of pride, and of patriotism. Morals and religion are ingrained in daily life. The people are real and honest.
These are some quotations that really describe what I'm talking about:
"Growing up Southern is a privilege, really. It's more than where you're born, it's an idea and state of mind that seems imparted at birth. It's more than loving fried chicken, sweet tea, football, and country music. It's being hospitable, devoted to front porches, magnolias, moon pies and coca-cola...and each other. We don't become Southern-we're born that way."
"The South--where roots, place, family, and tradition are the essence of identity."
"In the South, the breeze blows softer... neighbors are friendlier, nosier, and more talkative. (By contrast with the Yankee, the Southerner never uses one word when ten or twenty will do). This is a different place. Our way of thinking is different, as are our ways of seeing, laughing, singing, eating, meeting and parting. Our walk is different, as the old song goes, our talk and our names. Nothing about us is quite the same as in the country to the north and west. What we carry in our memories is different, too and that may explain everything else."
"The biggest myth about Southern women is that we are frail types-fainting on our sofas...nobody where I grew up every acted like that. We were about as fragile as coal trucks."
"A southern girl is a girl who knows full and well that she can open a door for herself but prefers for the gentleman to do it because it demonstrates a sense of respect. After all, every girl wants to be treated like a princess. We know how to make sweet tea and grits while telling you everything about any football team in the SEC. We pick our battles and fight with the heart of a pit bull while still maintaining grace and elegance. Our mystique is that of a soft-spoken, mild-mannered southern bell who could direct an army, loves her momma and will always be daddy's little girl."
I think that says it all...for now.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Rebecca and I were coming back from the Co-op today, stopped at a red light, and saw the most hilarious thing I've seen in ages. A big guy on a motorcycle. Ok, so that's not hilarious in itself, but what he had on his head was. He was wearing a helmet with huge-and when I say huge, I mean about 5 feet wide-pair of longhorn cow horns attached. Oh my goodness. We didn't laugh very hard at first, cause he could probably see us, but when he drove by we both DIED laughing, and we didn't stop for a good 10 minutes. Oh what I would have given for a camera! That totally made my day.
Right now I'm sitting outside on our patio. The weather is absolutely heavenly. Sunny and the perfect temperature. I'm really supposed to be writing a translation paper on Chaucer, but I've got a method that I have to go through before a paper of mine actually gets written. Ok, so that's a fancy way of saying I procrastinate, but I thought it was clever at least... We'll just say I'm practicing my typing...that excuse will work for now.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like you have loved me
Break my heart from what breaks yours
Everything I am for your kingdom's cause
As I go from nothing to eternity
Hosanna in the highest
Friday, September 12, 2008
I was sitting in the kitchen this afternoon when all of a sudden it started raining. I opened the back door and listened to the rain. The sun was still shining as it was raining, which made a rainbow in the back of our yard. I grabbed my camera and took a picture of it. Pretty neat, if I do say so myself.
On a more serious note, I'm praying for everyone in Texas and Western Louisiana tonight because hurricane Ike is making landfall. A pretty bad storm from what I've seen on the weather channel. So far all my friends and family are all right, and I think they'll ride out the storm just fine. My worst fear is power outages. Then I won't be able to talk on the phone with them! I talk to my mom every day, it would be weird to miss a call. I also talk to Erich almost every day, so that would be weird too. It just occurred to me that what I just wrote was incredibly selfish. I'm sitting here worrying about not getting to talk on the phone with my friends and family, and there are people who are in the middle of a hurricane! I hope there's not a lot of damage from the storm.
Tomorrow is the second home game of the season. We're playing Auburn. We beat them last year away, so surely we can beat them this year. I hope anyway! It will be a very loud game in any case. Starkville is packed to the brim right now. With Bulldog Bash this weekend and all the visitors from Alabama it's impossible to get anywhere tonight. That's why I'm at home sitting on my couch! Even the gas stations were running out of gas. Gee whiz. Anyway, I'm very excited about the game tomorrow! Go Dawgs!!! :)
I'm waiting on a phone call, and then going to watch a movie! Should be a fun night. :)
Hasta luego, mis amigos!
Thursday, September 11, 2008
And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ-to the glory and praise of God.
This verse stood out to me one night last year when I was reading my Bible. I rediscovered it the other night, and it still had the same power and application in my life. I really want my life to reflect these verses. My life's goal is contained in them. I want my love to grow. I want to gain knowledge and insight. I desire to learn discernment because so much hurt and pain can be avoided if you just discern things a little better.
...for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
While I have not yet learned how to be content in every situation I find myself in, that is certainly something I want to attain. Sometimes I feel like I'm so far away from contentment. I'm workin on it though. :)
Just thought I'd share some things I've been thinking about.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Thursday, September 4, 2008
After! Now I have red nails and the attitude to match! (Girls, y'all will know what I'm talking about. I don't think you guys will have a clue.)
I was talking to my mom on the phone tonight. We had a great conversation not just about general topics, but some good stuff. She said a phrase I've not heard in a long time, but it just fit what I've been thinking about and dealing with recently: "Que Sera Sera." It's Spanish and means "What will be, will be." It is even the name of a song. When she said that, it was one of those things where you stop and say, "Hmm..." It just epitomized the conclusion I've reached, even the reason for my good mood. I have to not concentrate and worry about things in my life I have no control over. What will be, will be. The things I can control, I need to do my best to improve. This whole concept isn't new, just new at this stage in my life, if that makes sense.
It rained again today, but I had a different perspective of the rain this time. It was soothing, refreshing, and welcomed. I got a quick shower on the way to English Lit this morning, but that wasn't a bad thing because it's pretty hot in the classroom. This evening, listening to the sound of the rain outside was so...theraputic almost. Later tonight, I went out on the patio, and just stood there, in the quiet-but-not-so-quiet of the night. It was sprinkling, and I let the tiny raindrops fall on me. It felt almost like tiny kisses all over my arms and face. That combined with the sound and the smell was blissful. I thank God for the rain!
Right now I'm watching Sara Palin's speech from the RNC. I'll let you know my opinion of that later. :)
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
I have decided to make a goal for myself. I'm not goal-driven individual per say, nor am I one of those people who plows ahead with something they've set their mind to, but I think it's important for everyone to have goals and ambitions. I have plenty of ambition (even though people might not know it), but I think setting some goals will help me reach those ambitions. So on to the goal. I have decided to start running. My goal is to be able to run a mile by the beginning of the year. This might not seem like a huge deal to some people, but if you know me well at all, it would be an accomplishment. Running is something I really enjoy. I love the rythm, the beat, the movement. It's also something that I haven't been able to do much of in the past. But I'll overcome those limitations. I'm tired of not doing something because I've told myself (and others have told me) that I can't do. So I'm going to do it.
I am sick and tired of feeling out of control of my life. I'm tired of circumstances controlling me. I'm tired of worring about the things I cannot change. I'm tired of being weak. I'm tired of being the person who has to work with other people, who can't accomplish anything on her own. I need to get some backbone when it comes to dealing with people, and not let everyone push me around. I have noticed lately that the people I'm around influence me greatly. Most of the time that's a good thing, especially if you're around some amazing people. But what about me? Should I not be influencing people (for the better) as well? I want the good things about me, the interesting things, the things I love to do-to stand out, and for people to take notice. I've come to the point where I'm going to let go of the things in my life that I cannot control (as much as I'd like to control them) and I'm going to give them to the One who has ultimate control. And the things in my life I can control (but don't) are going to change. I'm going to change them.
On another note, Labor Day weekend was this past weekend. Me and My sister made the 11 hour trek home on Friday. We took a different route that normal, but that turned out pretty well. We spend a great weekend home, got to see my Dad, along with the rest of my family. It was so good to be home again. Especially after being homesick the past week or two. Well, when time came to plan on heading back, matters were complicated by Gustav. Hurricane Gustav (or "Goo-stove" as I heard it pronounced on the radio as we drove through Arkansas). Because of the hurricane making landfall the very same day we needed to drive back, we took an alternate route, furthur north, through Arkansas. Well, following a road that did some really squirrly things when you came to a town, we naturally missed a roadsign, and wound up two counties north of where we should have been, on a totally different highway. Can you say frustrated? Well, that's what we were. So we dug out the map, and found a tintsy wintsy road that would take us back to the highway. Little did we know that it would take us through po-dunk Arkansas. I just knew that we would be abducted by some hillbilly named Bubba... It was pretty comical actually, me and my sister making jokes about Gustav and Bubba out to get us. And the sceanery wasn't half bad either. It was a very agricultural part of Arkansas, where there were huge fields of any kind of crop you could imagine, and the small farmhouses to go with them. We got pictures. I'll post some of those on here later, so you'll get a better appreciation of how far off the beaten path we really were. Well, to make a long story short, we got back to the highway, and sucessfully made it to our destination. It took us a grand total of 15 hours, and we didn't get home until midnight. That made for a very, Very, VERY long day. I do not wish to repeat that particular journey again, so I'll just document it here for your enjoyment/amusement.
Well, I must be off to Spanish now. Adios Amigos. Hasta luego.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
How did I manage to mess up one more time?
This pattern seems to be the story of my life
Should have learned this lesson by the thousandth time.
'Cause I promised myself I wouldn't fall
But here I've fallen
I guess I'm not as strong as I thought
All I can do is cry to you.
Oh God you have to save me
You're my last and only hope
All my right answers fail me
I can't seem to make it on my own.
Always thought that I would be strong enough
What made all of them fall couldn't take me down
Yeah, did I think that I was above it all?
I have learned that pride comes before the fall
I can't promise myself that I won't fall
'Cause here I've fallen
I know I'm not as strong as I thought
All I can do is cry to you.
Oh God you have to save me
You're my last and only hope
All my right answers fail me
I can't seem to make it on my own.
On My Own by Barlowgirl
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
I've had a lot on my mind lately, so maybe if I let some of it out on here it will help. I would call a friend, but it's past 2 in the morning, so I don't think they'd appreciate that. :) And I can organize my thoughts so much better in writing. I get tongue-tied otherwise.
I'm homesick. I'm missing my family. Everything's so weird right now. We've always been a very close family, geographically and emotionally. We're still close, but it seems like members of my family are spread across the globe. It's hard to deal with that when for so long we were all together. I realize that it is a part of growing up, but it's definitely a change, and sometimes I don't handle change well.
I'm missing the people that I formed closer relationships with over the summer. I'm still in touch with them, but it's not the same. Long distance in any kind of relationship-whether it be family, friends, or significant others-is always challenging. It either makes your relationship stronger or tears it apart. Sadly, I've experienced both in the past. I'm hoping that this distance forces a deeper and more lasting relationship.
I feel out of place. I thought only freshmen were supposed to feel this way...lol. But seriously, tonight I felt like I just didn't fit. I hate that feeling. It was probably due to not being well acquainted with the people I was around, and that'll hopefully change over the course of the semester, but I can't help feeling down about it.
Right now I am feeling so ineffective. I feel ineffective in my walk with Christ. I feel stuck, unable to move. Sadly, it's an all-too-common feeling for me. One of my deepest struggles is with complacency. No, I don't go off the deep-end and do terrible things that limit my relationship with Christ, but rather I fall into that "I'm not doing anything bad, so I must be a good little Christian girl who doesn't need to change." Why do I settle for mediocrity in my faith? Do I not have a God who is so above and beyond what I could ever imagine? What an insult it must be when I limit Him so... I think one reason I struggle with growth is that I equate growth with change. My life has been constantly and drastically changing for about the past 6 years. I am so resistant to change, even when it is for the better. I know that no one likes change, but I have such a hard time with it I think because I was forced by life circumstances to change. I resisted so much, I think I'm almost afraid of it now. I don't want opportunities that God gives to pass me by because I was afraid. I want God to fill my heart and life with a fire, a confidence in Him that consumes all that fear and doubt. I want to fearlessly live in a way that is glorifying to my God. I don't want to live in fear of the future, of messing up, or of making waves. I am the epitome of nothingness without my God. I am so weak and timid without Him. God, help me to find and hold onto that fire! Help me to remember the joy and passion of my salvation!
I'm really looking forward to this weekend. I hope to see everyone again. I also hope that it will bring some comfort and clarity. My emotions are in knots at the moment. So much to think and feel. It's almost overwhelming. It is astounding to me that I can feel so many different emotions all at once. I'm hoping to get all that sorted out and get my focus back to where it needs to be.
Even in the midst of all this confusion, I'm reminded of a song that is coming to mean alot in my life right now:
You Never Let Go by Matt Redman
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I'm caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won't turn back I know you are near
And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me
And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We'll live to know You here on the earth
Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You