Seems as if whenever something is going good in life, it gets snatched away. Why does that always happen? One moment, you are relishing this new and wonderful thing, and everything is going great. Life is good. You're happy, content. And then it's snatched away. But not so far that you can't see it anymore, just far enough that it is out of your reach. Like someone dangling a carrot in front of your face. It's always there in the back of your mind, showing up at the worst possible times in the form of memories or other painful reminders. Why do the good things have to be taken away? Maybe because there is something better waiting? If so, why not just skip the "good" and go straight for the "better"? What purpose did it serve? It's so incredibly aggrivating. The things that are "gone" keep showing up, dangling in my face, and I can't have them. I'm tired of learning "life lessons." I don't want to look back and say to myself, "Well, I learned alot from that mess" again. Is that knowledge worth the pain? I want to find that place where instead I say to myself, "This is what I've been waiting on for so long! It's finally here!" Will I ever get to that place? I find myself wanting what I've lost. I can't see the future, only the past, and I want that happiness and contentment that I had previously. Sure, there may be something even better around the corner, but there's no way I can see it. What if I missed what was "around the corner" and it's now behind me? I'm pretty sure that logic is screwed up somehow, but I can't help but entertain those thoughts.
All those lines that people feed you are just bologna. (And yes, I had to sing the Oscar Meyer song in my head to spell it right.) "You're young, you've got plenty of time." Time is never promised to anyone. "You'll figure it out." Sure, but how many mistakes and heartache will I have to endure to "figure it out" only to find that I'll never have it all figured out?
Please consider all of this rhetorical. Ranting, if you will. It's the product of a long week and a sleepless night.
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