An uncomfortable topic you can't afford not to talk about

*Disclaimer: If you are a man, I'll warn you now that I'm going to talk about super female stuff.  But I think men should be educated, because they have sisters, wives, and daughters that this stuff impacts. 

**Also a disclaimer: I am NOT a medical professional, nor am I giving medical advice.  I am only expressing my opinion and things I've learned.  I encourage you to speak with your healthcare provider and most importantly, do your own research! Don't just take someone else's word for it, even if they have a medical degree.  Do your homework and be your own advocate!

I have a subject that I've developed a huge passion for.  It's not something that's often talked about in public, most definitely, but also not talked about between friends and confidantes either.  That subject is female fertility.  No, this doesn't just refer to getting pregnant and having babies, although that is a large part of it.  It refers to the whole life cycle and monthly cycle that women go through.  Not just periods either.  Women were made to function around cycles.  You hear a lot about hormones, but rarely in a good light.  But we literally function around a raising a lowering of different hormones at different times.  It's amazing to learn about the functions of each and how they impact EVERYTHING about our bodies, minds, and emotions.  There are also different changes and bio-markers that our body has that indicate where we are in this cycle.  And let me just clue you into one thing:  it's a total MYTH that a "normal" menstrual cycle is 28 days and you're supposed to ovulate on day 14.  While this may be true for a small group of women, it is BY FAR not the norm.  There is a large range of how many days a healthy menstrual cycle should be.  I could go on and on about all the things I've learned.  But here's the kicker:  I have been a woman all my life (ha) but there is no much I NEVER knew about my own body until less than a year ago when I began this journey to health and healing. 

Another thing I've learned that I feel so strongly about, and wish I could tell every woman from age 12-60:  Hormonal birth control is not the only option, nor is it the cure-all that doctors and others make it out to be.  Now, I am not morally opposed to hormonal birth control in and of itself.  I myself was on it for several years.  There are many reasons that women take birth control, and that is completely valid.  I just want women to know it's not the only option out there!  I wish more doctors that prescribe it and women who take it every day knew more about how it works, side effects, and alternatives.  If I had known then what I know now, I really think I would have made another choice, or make the decision to stop taking it sooner.  Also, I just have to say this: just because you stop taking the pill, doesn't mean you're automatically going to get pregnant.  I know there is a lot of push back when someone makes this decision, from doctors and from other women in their life.  But don't let their biased opinion stop you from what's right for you.

I mentioned earlier that women were created to revolve around a cycle.  Being on hormonal birth control stops this cycle.  Most of the hormonal birth control options out there are synthetic estrogen and progesterone.  It actually decreases the testosterone in lots of women and creates estrogen dominance. And yes, women do need certain levels of testosterone.  The levels of these three hormones, and several others, are mean to rise and fall in a pattern, to allow your body to function as it needs to.  Even the week when you are taking the placebo pill, and you bleed, that is not a true period.  It's a withdrawal bleed prompted by the lack of estrogen in the placebo.  When you interrupt this cycle, it causes side effects.  Notwithstanding the serious ones, such as stroke, blood clots, and heart attacks, there are some women who experience weight gain, loss of libido, extreme tiredness, deficiency in vitamins and minerals, anxiety and depression, stomach issues, and more.  I experienced most of these myself, but it took me so long to realize that the hormonal birth control was a contributing factor.  I'm not going to blame all my problems on it, but it was definitely a factor.

So, you're probably asking "What is the alternative?" (that is, if you have dared to read this far!)  Well, I'm going to be honest.  There are no magic and super convenient options.  This is a large part of the reason that so many women utilize hormonal birth control.  I'm not going to go through all the options, as you have the internet readily available to you and can find those on your own.  But I will share what I've found that I liked.

There is a company that has been in the fertility business for over 30 years.  They have developed a device called Daysy.  It is a small, hand-held device that measures your basal body temperature and what days your period occurs and it tells you with red, green, and yellow lights where you are in your cycle and if you are fertile or not.  Red means fertile, you could get pregnant if you have unprotected sex. Green means you are not fertile and you are safe to go unprotected.  Yellow means Daysy is still learning your cycle or your cycle is fluctuating, and you should stay protected if you don't want to get pregnant.  This device is 99.4% accurate with perfect use (no unprotected sex on red or yellow days).  In comparison, most hormonal birth control is said to be 99.9% with perfect use (never miss a pill, taken at the same time every single day), 91% with typical use. (Which, to be honest, is mostly how people take it.  I can't say I ever had perfect use when I was taking it.)  On days that are red or yellow, most people elect to use a barrier method or abstain.  Here's the website if you are interested: https://usa.daysy.me/

Something else that has been super useful to me is learning Fertility Awareness Method (FAM).  There are several schools of thought for this method, but most of them involve basal body temperature every morning, learning patterns of how your cervical fluid (aka "discharge" is how most people know it, and it's completely normal and healthy) changes through your cycle, and sometimes a couple other bio-markers.  This has been super educational for me on how my body works and being in tune with where I am in my cycle.  This system is useful for avoiding pregnancy and achieving it too.  The knowledge works both ways.

I highly recommend that every woman reads the book "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" by Toni Weschler.  You can find it on Amazon here. I don't care if you haven't the slightest interest in anything to do with Daysy, FAM, cervical fluid, basal body temperature, or getting pregnant, and you plan to stay happily on hormonal birth control forever- Please read this book!  It is a wealth of information about the female body.  Everyone needs to know this!  I wish I had read this as a teenager.  She actually has a version for younger girls too, which is fantastic.  This book can be a bit overwhelming because of it's size, but it's not a novel, it's a reference book.  You don't have to read it cover to cover to find it useful.

Now that I've gotten that off my chest, there's something else I want to address.  Women need to be talking to each other about this stuff- about sex, about fertility, about their bodies.  There are so many women who suffer in silence, not able to talk to their mothers, their friends, their husbands or even their doctors about something that seems so intimate and embarrassing.  Believe me, I know!  I hate having super awkward conversations.  It's not easy for me to open up about super intimate things.  But when you think something isn't quite right, when you're struggling with something, speak up!  Most likely, you are not the only woman in the world dealing with a particular issue.  You are "normal!"  I was having a really hard time with something, and googling it wasn't getting me anywhere.  I dealt with this issue for MONTHS, not knowing what to do.  I finally asked my gynecologist about it at the end of my yearly appointment, almost chickening out, and it was a super simple fix, something that could be changed and made better.  It was super awkward for all of 5 seconds, then there was so much relief!  Find that person you can confide in.  Maybe it's your mom, a trusted friend, a doctor you trust.  Find that person and work up the courage to address and issue.  There is so much healing and relief in getting something like that off your chest.  Maybe you find out that you are not abnormal, it's not your fault, it's something that they also struggle with.  Can you image how much better you'll feel?  If I can be that person for you, please let me know!  I would love to talk with you over the phone, a message, or in person.  I love talking about all this, so I would be more than happy to be a listening and compassionate ear.