Procrastination at Its Best

Here I am, sitting in the library on campus at 10:08 pm. I'm supposed to be studying. I have a Spanish III test tomorrow. It require a bit of studying, but I am no where near the frame of mind that it takes to actually accomplish something while looking at books and notes. Since returning from Texas after Spring Break, I've been in a mood, a funk, if you will. I don't know where it originated from, and maybe it's just the product of hormones being out of whack, who knows. All I know is that it's not fun. Before Spring Break, things were ok. I wasn't in the best of spirits, mostly because of school. I'm tired of it, and some of my classes aren't going so well. But I had an idea of where I was headed with all this, where to take my education and start a career. I'm still on the same track with that. I have some leads on possible internships for next year, and after that, I have a better idea of where to apply for jobs. So that part is looking up. I guess the part of my life that isn't looking so chipper at the moment is the relationship part. It seems like I've been on a roller coaster the past year, but suddenly, I fell out. Reality hit, and I realized that I have to get used to being alone. That prospect is not appealing to me in the least. Even if I do date some before I graduate, could it ever really get serious? Everyone is going in different directions, so the probability of us landing in the same city is slim to none. So, that's out. Well, let's say I graduate college and get the job I've been wanting. It will probably be in a city where I don't know many people, if any at all. I know from personal experience that it takes a long time to make friends and form relationships. So, again, I'm alone. Sure, I'll keep in touch with family and friends, but that's not the same as being right there with them. Boy, this growing up thing isn't all that great after all. I'm just not the kind of person who thrives on independence and freedom. Yeah, I know that sounds very un-American of me, but it's true. I don't want to be some power executive in a high profile career. That's not me. I want the little house with a picket white fence and four kids playing out back. That's who I've always been and always will be. It's just a matter of if will I ever get there...