Under My Skin

I'm the kind of person where little things that people do get to me.  In a good way, most of the time.  When I least expect it, someone will say or do something that makes me feel so good.  I'm sure they don't know how much it means, but it definitely doesn't go unnoticed.  You have no idea how much an email, text, or phone call can mean.  Just a few minutes of your time is enough to change someone's day.  Today I had a craptastic day.  Every little thing was going wrong, and I was convinced it would just get worse.  There are so many things on my mind at the moment that it's easy to get lost in all that.  But all that seemed to get better in a matter of minutes, thanks to a friend.  It wasn't anything big, just a simple conversation.  Nothing earth shattering, just catching up.  It made me smile.  Seems like I'm not doing enough of that these days. Sometimes tears outweigh the smiles.  But that, my friend, is how life goes.  I'm convinced things will improve, and soon I'll be back to smiling more than crying.

I went to the worship service for the campus ministery tonight.  It's good to be able to go this semester, because I thought I would be forced to miss it because of a class.  Thankfully, the professor lets us out early.  Oddly enough, I feel a little uncomfortable in worship at the moment.  I feel like a child who has been scolded and now stands in front of her Father.  I feel bad standing and singing the lyrics to a praise song, hypocritical almost, when inside I am still wrestling and arguing with God.  But I need so much to be there standing among friends and siblings in Christ.  I feel a strength from being with them, a strength I so desperately need.  Sometimes it feels like I will never find my place again and be back to where I want and need to be.  But I know that I will get there.  A relationship is always full of ups and downs, and this is just a down.  There's really nowhere left to go but up.  There's some hope in that, at least.