Can't Sleep for the Rambling in My Head

I just got back from a weekend retreat with the BSU.  We had a good time, but I'm pretty tired.  That being said, I can't sleep because there is too much on my mind.  Lots of randomness floating around up there.  So here goes:

WARNING: Not for small eyes. I'm speaking rather candidly here and my filter is all but gone tonight.  Also, if you're male and get offended really easily, it might be best for you to hit the back button right now.

1) Friday was not so great.  Several people were getting on my nerves.  I was even getting on my nerves.  And sometimes I get in these "I'm pissed off for no good reason" moods.  Other times, I have good reason.

2) I'm so sick of emotions. Can I just live without them for a couple days so that I can have a break?  I'm up and down all the time.  Not cool in the least.

3) The people who hurt you the most are those who are closest to you.

4) Why do people give up when things are hard and circumstances aren't perfect?  If you want to be with someone, why would you let things stand in your way?  There is always a way to make do, to work it out, to compromise until things are better.  Do they give up because it's hard?  Inconvenient? Just don't care enough?

5) If we would stop for just a millisecond and consider how the next word out of our mouth or our next action will effect the person we're around, maybe we would say something different or not act quite the way we would otherwise.  Think about someone other than yourself!  That little inside joke that seems funny to you might really be hurtful to the person you say it to.  If someone had expressly told you not to bring that subject up again, and you do it anyway, how insensitive and uncaring do you have to be to keep on bringing it up?!

6) Sometimes when I talk, I think all that gets through to the person I'm talking to is static.  I talk until I'm blue in the face and I get absolutely no feedback.  Maybe some stupid cop-out or excuse, but nothing of value, nothing sincere. I'm so tired of talking.  When there's a problem, I'd love for that person to come to me to work it out, not the other way around.  I try and try and try to make things work and no one cares. (Fyi, I really wanted to cuss right then. Thank goodness for the backspace key.)  That's it. I can't try anymore.  No one cares, so why should I?

7) Guys are dumb. Seriously. I've had it with the whole gender.  Trying to have a relationship is crap. It doesn't work.  Not for me, at least. Maybe the problem lies with me, I don't know, but what I do know is that if I stay away from it, it won't be a problem anymore.  Guys could care less what I think or feel.  They feed me all this utter garbage about me being pretty and special and thinking I'm the greatest.  "There's just something about you."  "You're amazing."  "The way you make me feel is amazing."  If I hear those things one more time, I think I'd barf on his shoes.  You cannot tell me that crap then turn around and do the things you do.  Or don't do.  Inaction is 100x worse than action sometimes.  If he's doing something, at least I know he's trying and that he cares.  If he doesn't do anything, that shows me that he could give a rat's hiney about me or my thoughts or feelings.  Getting mad at him doesn't work either.  I can yell and scream and cuss, and nothing gets through.  The best I get is a shocked face after I use a choice word.  They can't even give me the satisfaction of being mad at them.  Right when I get good and steamed, I get a text message with an apology.  UGH! Couldn't you let me fume for at least 20 minutes?!  And seriously, a freakin text message?  Grow some balls.  I don't know what you male people want from me. I just don't get it.

8) The room feels like it's spinning right now.  Don't know why.  Makes it kinda hard to type, fyi.

9) The people I complain about, who really need to hear what I say on here, never read it.  The things I say don't get through.  If it wasn't a way for me to vent my frustration without imploding, it would be pointless to even say anything about it.  I'm pretty much preaching to the choir.  Or maybe to no one, I really don't know.  Most of what I say on this blog is insignificant anyway.  In fact, most of my pathetic, high school drama filled life is insignificant.  Apart from Christ, I really wouldn't have much worth.

10) I'm sick and tired of all this crap that's cluttering my thoughts and make me want to just stay in bed and sleep so I don't have to deal with it.  I'm so weary, cynical, and jaded right now, it's not even funny.