Flash to the Past

Lately I have become fascinated with 1950s fashion.  I actually am fascinated with the whole era.  Besides loving the fashion, I love the fact that women were women. REAL women.  They were strong, classy, and beautiful.  I want to be like that.

How gorgeous is that? 

You can't get classier or more beautiful than Grace Kelly in my mind.  I love, love, love pearls.  They wore them with everything.  I have a three strand pearl necklace from my grandmother that I adore.  Though they're not real, I think they came from that era.  I need to find the perfect outfit to wear them with. 

Especially with my job now, where I wear khakis and a t-shirt and work with lots of people younger than me, I feel like I look very young.  I don't want to look older than I am, looking my age would be great.  Maybe if I can incorporate some of the 1950s style in my wardrobe, I can look a bit older. 

I found an article on the internet today that describes why I like the 1950s so much. http://modernretrowoman.com/2011/06/07/seven-reasons-i-love-being-a-1950s-style-woman/  

Working on my Photography

I decided to do something with some of the pictures I've taken that I like. So I put together an online photography portfolio.  You can find it here. Check it out. Feedback is much appreciated.

Wedding Update

So where am I in the wedding process?

Wedding venue: Check.  Chapel of Memories at State reserved and payed for.

Reception venue: Check.  Ballroom in the Union reserved.

Catering: Check. Talked with MSU Catering. Will submit order in the fall.

Dress: Check.  Picked out fabric for my dress (only took 2 hours... haha).  I love what we've come up with. Too bad I can't post pictures here (not that future hubby reads my blog, but just in case).  My mom also made a mock up of the patter to see if it worked with my shape (which will hopefully be a smaller shape come December).  It will look great.  So the actual construction of the dress is the next step.

Undergarments for dress: I've got those picked out. Just have to order.

Shoes: I found fabulous maroon shoes. So excited!

Jewelry: Still in the works.

Bridesmaid dresses: Next on the list.

Job!

I am finally employed again after almost three months and many job applications.  It isn't the job I thought I was going to get.  I had interviewed with one company three different times.  I kept calling to see if the position had been filled, and it hadn't, so my hopes kept high.  It seemed like a perfect job for me- entry level, great pay and benefits, and something I could really see myself doing.  But it had been almost two months since my first interview.  Then another offer came along.  It wasn't ideal, and it payed less, but it was more than I was making at the time (nothing).  So I called the first company one last time and explained my situation.  They basically said they weren't able to hire anyone right now.  So I accepted the other offer.  I'm just so glad to be employed again.  I'll work hard at this and hopefully it will be a good experience.

Cheaper than Therapy

I tried at the beginning of the year to start blogging about crafts, recipes, and photography so that maybe my blog would get noticed.  There's a company that shows your blogs to other companies so that maybe they would want you to publish a review of one of their products.  Well, I tried that for a while, but I decided that's not what my blog is for.  It's awesome that other people make money on blogging.  Not many, but some.  My blog is more like therapy.  I don't have many regular followers, but I don't really blog for other people.  I do it for me.  There's just something about venting to a computer screen.  I hope in expressing what I'm feeling or describing what's going on in my life, if someone reads it, it will help them too.  Or at least be entertaining.  But it's really my cheap therapy.

That being said, I haven't been blogging as much as I used to.  I'm not sure exactly why.  It's not for lack of free time.  As of yesterday, I had been unemployed for over 2 months.  I had plenty of free time.  It's not that everything in my life is hunky dory.  I've still got my share of difficulties.  Whatever the reason, I decided it's time to blog again.

Bit by Bit

I've started making more progress on the wedding planning.  I picked up and dusted off that wedding planning binder that I bought and cracked it open.  I actually started writing in it this time.  All I need to secure the reservation at the chapel is to mail in the paperwork.  Ceremony site: done!

I have pretty much decided that we're going to use the student union ballroom for the reception.  It's just across the street and we can really make it look great without going overboard.  It's affordable too!  The only thing I worried about was that MSU dining had to be the caterer.  I don't have many references for them, but it does make another decision very easy!  So I think I'm ok with that.  So I've just got to call them Monday and book it.

Next on the list:  Photographer, Bakery, Florist.

Too Many Options!

Update on last week: Goal failed. The weather kinda put a kink in things. Will try again next week!

Tonight I got on a wedding planning kick.  I started looking at guest lists, venues, bridesmaids dresses, tuxes, flowers, cakes, etc.  I have concluded that there are entirely too many options and ideas out there.  I am a very visual person, so I look for pictures of things I like and add them to www.pintrest.com. You simply must check out this site.  It has so many ideas for crafts, recipes, weddings, clothes, and more. It's addicting.  I have my own "boards" here. Feel free to check those out as well.

I have been engaged for almost five months and I feel like I haven't done much with the planning. I do have almost 11 months left to plan, though.  We finally set a date (yay!) for December 8, 2012.  I booked the Chapel of Memories on Mississippi State's campus.  It's a gorgeous little chapel and it means something to both of us.  We met and started dating at State, so it's fitting. So that's two things down.

My mother and I have been hashing out wedding dress ideas and designs.  She's going to make my dress!  I'm very excited about this.  Even though I will have to wait a while to see myself in the finished product, it will be so special and definitely worth the wait.

Just Do It!

While I'm waiting for the Benadryl to kick in and quiet this noisy brain of mine, I thought I'd take a minute to write.
No, this isn't a post about Nike, but I think their slogan works nicely for where I'm going with this.
Too many times in this life have I over thought and over analyzed an idea or situation and in the end gave up or talked myself out of it. I will never accomplish any goals or get anywhere in life if I keep doing this! I have to "Just Do It!"
Now I'm not saying you shouldn't think about things before you act. God knows this has saved me from embarrassment and mistakes many, many times. But after you consider something, act!
I have been saying far too long that I need to lose weight. I need to cut the high sugar and carb intake, drink more water, and get off the couch. I know this and have weighed all my options, but I fail to act. My wedding is in 358 days. I refuse to not look and feel my best. I will act.
I will set small goals each week so I don't drown in a sea of disappointment and failure. My goal for next week is to walk 4 days and not to drink sodas. I think it's attainable. No, it IS attainable.
I am hoping that this plan will help me feel better about myself and will motivate me to do other things I want/need to do.
Question: What motivates you?

Exciting Changes!

So you might have noticed that I've made some changes to the ole blog.  How do you like it?  I've decided that my blog needs a bit of direction.  I hope that in the process, maybe I'll get a clue about what direction my life is going in.  I want this blog to be less about what's happening to me and more about what I'm doing. Instead of being the receiver, I want to be the doer.  I hope to focus more on my hobbies and talents.  Things like photography, cooking, crafts, and the like.  Anything I happen to be doing at the time.  So, let's hope this works.

I would also like to ask a favor of those reading.  For the sake of a little research, please post a comment if you read this post.  Something as simple as "I read it!" will do nicely.  It can be anonymous if you prefer.  I'm just trying to get an idea of how many of you are out there.

Thanks!

I'm a big girl now....?

Well, a good bit has happened in the past few weeks.  I'm engaged now. :)  I'm very happy and excited about it.  I haven't really started planning the wedding.  Haven't talked about it much either.  Has a lot to do with all the stress right now.

I've been on the road for three weeks doing my job.  It's a lot different than I thought it would be.  I'm not so sure I'm doing a good job.  I don't like being away from home.  There's a good bit of stress involved.  I'm not competitive or sales-minded.  I don't like working 13 hour days or sometimes longer. I'm not sure what I was thinking when I accepted the job.  Oh wait, I just wanted a paycheck.  I was ready to get my own apartment and be self sufficient.  It hasn't worked out so well and now I just feel stuck.  Sometimes I think I'm really dense.

I have come to dread two weekends every month.  My Love works every other weekend.  His work schedule combined with mine doesn't work together very well.  Weekends we spend together are amazing.  I don't want to do anything other than be with him.  Weekends he is working are long and often boring.  I travel all week, so the last thing I want to do on the weekends is travel more.  So I stay home.

I want things to be different.  But I don't know how to change them.

Constantly Moving

I thought I would update everyone on what's been going on in the past couple of weeks. I have started week three of training. I'll be in Nashville and then Portland this week. Last week was Charlotte. I'm so very tired of planes, airports, shuttles, delays, and layovers. Not to mention hotels and eating out every meal.

Each week is physically, emotionally, and mentally draining. We are given so much information that at the end of the day I couldn't tell you my name. Doing my presentation in front of my directors last week was so stressful. Not to mention missing my guy. I hate leaving. It sucks so bad to be gone for 8 or 10 days straight with not much time to even talk on the phone.

I have all my stuff in my new apartment thanks to my amazing sister. But I haven't had a chance to even get things put away. It's bugging me. I would much rather stay home this week and next to get it all settled.

I went this morning to get my car title and tag, car insurance, and my MS driver's license. I'm officially a MS resident again. Yay!!!

I'm stuck at the gate with our flight delayed. Lovely. Have I mentioned that I hate flying?

A World Away

Tonight I find myself in Pittsburgh, PA.  I'm doing a week of training for my new job.  I was a mix of excited/nervous/sad.  I think it's going to be a good week, but I'm going to miss home.  I already miss my other half.  There will be a couple days where I won't get to talk long, if at all because of his work schedule and the time difference here.  Bummer.  :(

I have a roommate this trip. I wasn't exactly thrilled.  I guess it feels kinda like camp or some such.  Not very adult-like.  Oh well.  She's nice, but is asleep right now.  So I have to be quiet.  Boo.  I'd much rather have my own room, where I could watch tv or talk on the phone.

I'm not sure I'm going to like this being gone and traveling thing. Yes, there will be things that are neat about it, but I have a feeling on those weeks where I'm gone three nights straight that it's going to get lonely.  Not a fan of that.  Nonetheless, I have a job to do.  Gotta make that green.  Oh fun.  I've never particularly been fond of having a job.  Can't I just stay home?

Perseverance!

My perseverance in job hunting finally paid off!  I accepted a job offer last week.  I was so happy and excited to finally have a job and a way to support myself.  The things that are going to happen next in my life are pretty exciting.

For this job I have to go to training.  It will be about a month long.  I will be training in Pittsburgh, Charlotte, Nashville, and Portland.  I'm looking forward to the travel and meeting new people.  The only drawback is possibly being gone three or four weeks straight.  I'm gonna miss him a lot!  But we'll make it through alright.

I'm going Monday to look for an apartment.  I've been looking around on the internet for several days.  I found one place that looked amazing.  Too good to be true.  It was a huge one bedroom apartment for $200 less than I thought I would have to pay.  Well, after I read some reviews on it, I think it really is too good to be true.  About 4 reviews mentioned cars being broken into, and another mentioned a shooting!  Not exactly what I'm looking for.  I'll see all the law enforcement I need to see when my guy and I hang out (he's a deputy, if you're wondering).  I don't need them all around my apartment complex!  Luckily, I've located another complex with some really great floorplans.  I'll even get a room for an office here.  Rent is a little more that I'd like to pay, but I'll deal with it to live in a safe and nice place.

I've been trying to figure out my financial situation.  All the numbers and calculations, budgets, bank accounts, credit cards and insurance is making my head spin!  I've about got it all figured out now though.  At least for the moment.  I found a nifty Excel template to use for my budget.  You can find it here.

I guess that's about all for now.  Adios.

Hopes Rising

I'm trying not to get my hopes up about this job like I do every time, but as usual, it's not working very well.  I keep picturing myself doing this job.  I just hope it's coming across in the phone interviews.  I've had two so far, with one left on Monday.  I even dreamed about the job last night!  I should know the outcome by next Thursday or Friday.  Hoping for the best!

Well...

I made the cut to finalist, and I have three phone interviews scheduled this week and next.  So I'm hoping this pans out. We'll see.

Observation #1:
My friends are blogging more this summer.  I like that.  I love reading what's going on in their life via the great blogosphere.

Observations #2:
I love summer.  These are reasons why: sunglasses, frozen drinks, flip-flops, friends, sand, sun, sunscreen, water, mild nights, free time, country music, citrus, tans, windows down, reading, hobbies, and so much more.

Observations #3:
People in public who laugh at something they're reading or listening to are amusing.  I've done it before though, so I can't judge.

Observation #4:
This weekend My Love is going to get a boxer puppy.  I am as excited as he is.  I love puppies!

Observation #5:
I love coffee shops.  Especially this one in Brandon.  It's comfortable, relaxing, and fun to go to.

I think that's all the observations I have for now. Stay tuned.

Crossing My Fingers

I have found a fleeting internet connection and hope it lasts 'til I can finish the post!

Tonight I'm going to an information session about a job.  I have to speak while I'm there too.  I get so nervous when I speak in public!  But that's pretty much what the job requires, so I've got to beat the nerves and do good so they will hire me!  I need a job so bad!  It would help so many things that are going on right now.  Finances, family, my relationship, my sanity. No kidding.

I'm ready for my life to start, so to speak.  I'm ready for my days to be filled with meaningful work, seeing my guy, working out, and doing things I enjoy, instead of watching my guilty pleasure in the morning, eating, and searching for this phantom internet connection.  It's the highlight of my day when I have an errand to run.  I'm 22 years old.  I want to be doing things that a single (as in not married) girl should do.  Heck, if I make enough money, I may travel some.  

I always sit down to blog and think I have so much to say.  And maybe I do, but somehow it doesn't all translate from my brain to my fingers.  There's so much going on in my head and in my life.  Part of it gets cut for privacy sake.  I can't put everything online for all to see.  Some of it gets left out because I'm forgetful.  So I guess that only leaves a little bit left to write about.

I have a chance to go to Washington, D.C. this weekend.  It would be an awesome trip, but I'm afraid I'll miss out on a job opportunity.  I really can't decide anything until after tonight.

So, we all know that I don't like change.  But what if it's change that I had previously wanted?  Why do I have a problem with that?  I think half my problem is that I have an expectation of how the people I'm close to act.  When they act opposite of my notion, I freak out.  Even if it's something I wanted.  That makes no sense whatsoever.  I wonder sometimes what kind of nutcase am I?

Apparently the kind of nutcase who is contemplating joining a roller derby team.  I'm not sure if this is one of those I-read-it-in-a-book-or-saw-it-on-a-movie/tv-and-now-I-want-to-do-it urges, or if it's something I could actually do.  I guess if I ever get the courage up to go watch a practice, I'll find out.

So I guess I did have a bit to write about today.  Go figure.  Hopefully my next post will be titled "YOU'RE HIRED!"

The Waiting Game and A Little Mush

CAUTION: If mushy stuff appalls you, you might want to avoid this post.

But first, I'll talk about the waiting game.  I'm learning yet another lesson in patience.  I have been applying for jobs for almost four months now. I keep getting discouraged in thinking I'll never get hired.  It's tough waiting for employers to respond to applications, and most of the time they never do.  I also get stressed thinking about the financial aspect of things.  I need a new computer soon.  If it goes out, it'll be hard to keep looking for and applying for jobs.  Other things like that.  I need a job soon.  I need to get into a routine.  I think I'll be less neurotic that way.

Even through the worry, I still have time for the mushy stuff.  Just yesterday I was reminded how much I love him.  We were riding in the truck, on the way to get a Blizzard from DQ.  The windows were down, music up, and he was singing along.  I looked over at him, and he smiled at me. It still gives me butterflies.  And I still love holding his hand as much as I did the first time, seven months ago.  I don't ever want to lose that feeling.  We were talking just the other day about when we first started dating.  We didn't waste time getting to know each other.  From the first date, we spent pretty much every day together.  We have had some great times, and I cannot wait to see what's in store for us.  He is so good to me.  He takes care of me and loves me more than life.

The heat outside tells me summer is here, but this summer is different than I've ever experienced.  It hadn't really felt like summer until yesterday.  When we were in the car, riding with the windows down and summer country music playing, it started to feel like it.  I'm hoping to go to the reservoir this week sometime for a picnic.  Being by the water is very summery.

Well, I guess that's it for now.  Back to job hunting...    

Ready, Set...

So I'm not to the "Go" part yet.  I wish I was!  I really like Brandon.  I'm ready to move here, start working, and living.  I have an apartment complex in mind where I want to live, but it depends on whether or not they have one open.  There are a couple others that would be good too.  There's a Curves down the street that I'm thinking about joining.  I think it would be a better atmosphere for me to work out in.  A regular gym is too intimidating. I'm going tomorrow to the First Baptist Church to see what it's like.  I am really hoping something will happen this week as far as a job is concerned. I'm crossing my fingers.  I feel like my life is on hold and I'm just biding my time until it gets going again.  I know the days ahead will be great.  Working, being active, and spending time with my love.  It will be great. :)

“It’ll all work out.”

Please, please do not say that to me right now. I mean, if you really think about it, of course it will work out. There will be an outcome no matter what it is.  But how much heartache will it take until it's "worked out?"  How many tears until it's "worked out?"  How many hurt feelings and broken promises?  Well?

 

Why do I even try?  It's almost pointless.  I get disappointed again and again and again.  So why do I keep going?  Why do I apply for jobs?  Why do I make promises?  Why do people count on me when I can never, ever do anything right? 

 

I am having to fight so hard to keep those feelings away.  I cannot, absolutely cannot have a repeat of the same feelings I had last year.  I have no reason at all for them, but I didn't have a reason for them last year either.  I feel like I could crawl in bed and not come out for a month.  I really could this time though.  I don't have any obligations as far as school and job are concerned.  It's really tempting.

 

I hate the ache that's inside my heart.  I miss him so much it's a physical pain in my chest.  I count the days until we can be together again, but when I don't know when that will be, it's even worse. 

 

I hate not having a say in what's happening in my life right now.  I keep making plans and having dreams and they are immediately squashed.  It goes back to why do I even try?

 

I hate this. 

Running on Empty

I don't even know where to start.  The emotions I have swirling through my head are enough to make even the most emotionally stable person collapse in a heap.  I am trying so hard to make things work.  I am balancing relationships on either side and myself caught in the middle.  I have to think for myself, but also consider what each side is saying. If I try to do what I want to do, I'm accused of acting as someone else wants me to.  I do have a mind of my own.  At any given time, someone is going to be upset with me.  I've almost come to terms with this.  That's a big almost.

I hate this limbo I'm in.  I am 22 years old.  A recent graduate.  I have a gnawing desire to be out on my own, doing my thing.  I can't make that happen right now and it's about to kill me.  I am not a patient person.  I have waited and waited for the answer I need, and still haven't heard.  I don't know what plan B is.  I want plan A to work.  Why can't my phone ring, and on the other end hear, "you're hired!"?  I need to get hired, get an apartment, get a car, and start living my life as a 22 year old woman.  That's what I need.